Post Partum
by Scrotie McBoogerBalls
Summary: Jace and Clary are now young new parents, but Jace is experiencing negative thoughts towards the baby. Unable to cope with the new life of being a father, he lashes out at the child. It isn't long before Jace and Clary's relationship falls apart. Can Jace overcome this? Or will he fail miserably as a father? M for strong language, and sexual themes. Now a full-length story OOC
1. Chapter 1

**__**Just a two-shot I just thought of. I thought that it would be a pretty good subject to touch up on. Read and tell me what you think! =)

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments, only The Only Cassandra Clare! **_

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><p>The baby's cries echoed throughout the room, creating a ringing in Jace's ears. He clenched his face at the irritable noise, while Clary bounced their newborn baby boy in her arms. She cooed him with the sweet softness of her humming. She stroked his very fine blonde hair with her one finger. In her eyes he was the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. More beautiful than any painting, any photograph, or every piece of art Clary has ever laid her eyes on. She smiled down at her fussy child; his eyes squeezed shut, and his mouth wide open revealing his toothless gums.<p>

Jace on the other hand wanted to throw something through a wall. The screaming sound coming from that thing in Clary's arms was giving him a headache, and he couldn't stand it any more. He roughly pushed himself off the chair he sat in and stalked across the room. "Jace?" He stopped dead in his tracks, not turning to look at her. "Where are you going?" Jace sighed, and kept his back rigid. He hesitated, not wanting to upset her, but the noise was eating away his brain, and stealing any ounce of time he had wi- "Out!" His voice sounded distant to him, but he didn't turn to look at her. He couldn't, he knew if he saw the hurt in her eyes he'd succumb and apologize. He wasn't ready to give up his pride yet.

He never saw himself as a father, let alone a father as young as he is. Only nineteen years old, and a baby to feed, change, and listen to it scream and scream and _scream_! He had plans for his life; he planned on ravishing Clary on the kitchen table, the living room, the sofa, and mostly; Luke and Jocelyn's bedroom. No offense to Luke, but unfortunately for him he was married to Jocelyn. And Jace couldn't even begin to express how many times he fantasized about making Jocelyn infuriated due to telling her about the many times he soiled their sheets while blowing his load inside her daughter. Jace would always chuckle silently to himself at the thought. Nonetheless, blowing inside her resulted to _this_; a screaming, pooping, drooling bundle of joy. One that was going to consume his life, leaving no room for selfish desires.

Upon arriving home the first thing Clary did was lay baby Luka down in his bassinet. She tucked him in tightly and lavished in the beauty of a peaceful sleeping baby. Jace watched with disgust and stormed off to find something to read. Buried in his novel, Jace completely forgot about Clary or the baby, a wake up call came to him as he entered the fifth chapter. Howls and cries filled his ears as Clary entered the room holding that God-awful thing in her arms. Jace dropped the book in his lap and brought his fingers to his temples. Clary caught sight of this and scowled. She had been taking care of Luka all day while Jace ignored them both in the study. And _he_ has a headache? She reached out and grabbed the baby book she came in for, and stormed out of the room with the baby in her arms, and slammed the door behind her.

Jace's heart fell to the pit of his stomach. He _knew_ he was being selfish, and yet he continued to be. He watched her slave around every day to Luka's cries, howls, and stink bombs, he wanted to help, but just couldn't bring himself to care. Damn thing needed to be cared for every second of the day. He most certainly did not sign up for this. He, Jace Lightwood, did _not_ change diapers, and clean drool! He remembered when Clary first told him she was pregnant; it was completely unexpected. He was in such deep shock that by the time he snapped out of it Clary was going into labor and they were rushing their way to the hospital.

"Jace?" The little monster had woken up for the eighth time in the night. Jace tightened the blankets around him every time that little hogging brat opened his mouth to scream. _Just shut up_! Jace silently begged. How can something so small, be so damn needy? "Can you _please_ get him this time? I've been up so many times, and I don't think I can move anymore." Clary moaned beside him. Jace wanted to help her, he wanted to make her feel better, he loved her so much, but he wanted nothing to do with that thing in the other room. So he thought it would be best if he didn't answer. "Jace?" He didn't answer; he stayed silent as if asleep. He heard her let out a shaky sigh, and slowly rise from bed, disappearing from the bedroom. Was she about to cry? No, of course not? Why would she cry? Clary never came back to bed that night, and Jace had to silently admit to himself that _he_ wanted to cry, and nearly did. He hated the bed without Clary. He was cold and lonely, and all he wanted was Clary with him

Clary visited the Institute with Luka, Jace found every excuse in the dictionary not to be anywhere near Luka, and it was slowly killing her. She loved Jace, she truly did, but if this kept up she would have to leave him. Isabelle bounced little Luka in her arms, the poor baby looked sick, but Clary figured she would let Isabelle have her fun until he spit up all over her. The image would cheer her up. "How's Jace coming along?" Isabelle's tone sounded hesitant, as if she were afraid to ask.

"He's still so distant." Clary looked down into her lap, fiddling with her fingers and holding in her tears. "I don't know what to do." She whispered. "No matter what I do, he just doesn't want anything to do with the baby. I'm afraid if he doesn't come through soon, I'll… I'll-"

"Stop jumping to things Clary!" Isabelle interrupted. "It's just postpartum depression." Clary's head snapped up, and she looked at Isabelle questionably.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Clary shook her head. "Women go through postpartum, not men!" Isabelle rolled her eyes, and pulled poor Luka tightly against her chest. Clary was waiting like Luka was a ticking bomb and ready to belch up his lunch.

"Men sure as hell go through postpartum depression!" Isabelle let out an exaggerated sigh, and rolled her eyes again. She turned slightly so that she was facing Clary. "Look it up! Men _do_ go through postpartum. And does it really surprise you _that_ much? It's Jace!" Clary looked more curious, not entirely believing Isabelle, but willing to listen. "Jace is macho, he's sexy and he knows it. A baby brings down his ego. To him the baby belittles him." This angered Clary, that's not postpartum that's childish. She folded her arms and glared directly at Isabelle, who looked back questionably.

"I am not buying that!" Clary snapped. "So basically he refuses to take his place as a father because Luka cramps his style!" Clary shouted.

"Clary…" Isabelle cooed.

"No!" Clary stood up, her excitement was making Luka cry. Isabelle started rocking him, and caressing him. "I have been getting up with him every night, feeding him, changing him, bathing him!" At this point the tears started flowing, and before she knew it she was hysterical, she was exhausted, and she had enough. "I thought he wanted this!" Clary cried. "I thought we would be a family, but he doesn't want us! If he doesn't want Luka, then he doesn't want me!" Luka was now screaming, but Izzy shoved the pacifier in his mouth, quieting him down.

"Clary, I know this is hard, and you're tired-"

"You're damn right I am tired!" Clary shouted. "I have been practically taking care of him by myself! If he doesn't knock off his shit I am moving back in with my parents!" Isabelle let out a frustrated sigh, and practically shoved the baby back in Clary's arms. It wasn't that she was threatening to leave her brother; it was more on the fact that she was so quick to move out, rather than kick Jace out.

"I think you should figure it out! Not give up and not even attempt to try and fix things, but that's not even the issue.-"

"What-" Clary tried to interrupt, but Isabelle wouldn't have it.

"You are so quick to move back in with mommy and daddy because they'll help you with the baby. Just remember there are plenty of girls out there who don't even have that option. If you ask me you're taking the easy way out. If you hate Jace _so much_ then kick _him_ out! Don't be a spoiled brat and go running to mommy and daddy!" And like that Isabelle stood up and left a gaping Clary alone to think amongst herself. How dare Isabelle speak to her like that? Almost like she felt like this was all her fault. It was Jace's fault! He was the one being a neglectful father, and a neglectful boyfriend. She was the one doing all the work around the house, who was she to insult her?

Jace arrived home to find Clary sitting and feeding the baby in the living room. Did she have to feed him in the living room? Soon he will start crying, and then start vomiting all over the place, and then Clary will make him clean it up. He let out a groan as he tried to stalk past her, but of course Clary would not have it. "Jace!" Her voice sounded so excited to know he was home, guilt filled his stomach with the idea of knowing she still cared. "Good news!" She said as Jace turned to face her. "I will be able to wean Luka from breast feeding soon. He's almost five months, and he's been wanting to eat more often, the doctor said that I should start gradually now. That way you can start feeding him too." She smiled sweetly at Jace, looking excited at the fact that he would be able to help out more, but Jace wanted to bang his head up against a brick wall. He decided to hide what he was really feeling, and showed a weak smile instead. However, Clary knew the smile was forced, but was a bit relieved at the idea that he was actually going to try.

For the hell of it, Clary decided to research the idea of men having postpartum depression. She was inside Jace's study while he was out, and Luka was taking a nap. She opened up psychology books, chemistry, and some of her baby books just to look up postpartum for women. But what came as a surprise to Clary was the fact that she actually came across the idea of men having postpartum in her baby book!

The term was actually paternal postnatal depression. One of the main points the book was giving was that men were always taught _not_ to be depressed. When people think of depression, they think of sad people, crying, loneliness, but the book actually pointed that depression can appear in many different forms, _especially_ with men! It could come in fear, anger, violent outrages, or even well hidden. Most men are given the idea that men are not _supposed_ to have depression. It was considered weak, and unmasculine for men to express such emotions. Even in modern times men are strictly taught to be the man of the house, therefore no crying, and no pouting. Man up!

Despite all this information, Clary couldn't help but agree. Man up! She was the one that was tired, exhausted, and carried the damn kid for nine months. Who was he to be depressed? It should be _her_ who is depressed! It should be _her_ who is resentful of _him_! It should be _her_ who is resentful of the baby. Of course as soon as she finished these thoughts the next section of the chapter stated that women tend to take on a selfish streak during a men's postpartum, but not to be hard on one's self, she had to take care of the infant, and everyone knows that children come first. The book goes on to explain that the women need to understand that it is just as hard for the men as it is for the wome-

Clary slammed the book shut, she had read enough maybe she was being a little sexist, but who could blame her at this time? Later Clary got Luka up and dressed for her parent's house for a little visit. She couldn't wait to see them; she knew that they would take her side, unlike a crappy friend such as Isabelle. She arrived at her old home, and carefully took Luka out of his car seat. She held him close as she entered the house, to be immediately greeted by her mother. The woman held her tightly and didn't waste time to tear Luka from her arms, which slightly pissed Clary off, but she just pushed it aside and entered the house. Clary told both of them about Jace, and how he has been acting. Of course her mother couldn't wait to slander his name. Talking about how she told Clary that he was no good, and that the best thing to do was to leave him. These were signs of him being just like Valentine, leave him before it's too late.

Clary thought that someone who was on her side would make her feel better, but it only made her feel worse. She thought once the pregnancy was over she wouldn't be emotional anymore, but to her dismay she began cries of hysteria due to her mother's words.

"Oh dear, don't cry. I know what it's like to be heart broken by the man you love."

"Oh shut the fuck up, Jocelyn!" Clary snapped.

"Excuse me?"

"You married a psycho-baby-killing-world-dominating-sociapath! Jace is _none_ of those things, he _loves_ me, and he loves his son too! He just doesn't know…" Clary trailed off, she just couldn't speak anymore. The whole thing was weighing down on her. She buried her face in her hands, and in response Luka started screaming, which only made Clary feel worse.

"Clary honey, I know you're hurt, but he-"

"I don't think that any of this is about Jace!" Clary yelled. "You just like making _me_ feel like shit. You act like I _wanted_ to be with a terrible person. Well, what about you! You were too fucking stupid to know what he was up to! Not to mention maybe Jace wouldn't have been raised by him if it weren't for _your_ actions!" Clary yelled.

"And what exactly do you mean by that?" Jocelyn's eyes were icy cold.

"Maybe instead of _running_ from your problems, you should've faced them! Stephen wouldn't have been murdered, and Celine wouldn't have killed herself with a growing baby inside of her, because _you_ decided to be a selfish fucking bitch and run off!"

"I DID WHAT I DID FOR YOU!" Jocelyn yelled.

"Maybe you did." Clary's voice was now becoming deadly calm. "But that doesn't change the fact that because of you, many were hurt and killed! But you obviously don't care about that! I am NOT like you, I will save _anyone_ who deserves saving. And Jace was an innocent child who deserved saving just as much as I did!" Jocelyn was dead silent, but fire practically roared in her green irises. She stood up abruptly with a screaming Luka in her arms.

"I am taking him in the bedroom, you are scaring him, and making him hysterical!" Jocelyn went to leave, Clary stood up fiercely and began shouting at the top of her lungs.

"He is _my_ child! Stop pretending he is not, if you _ever_ want to see him again!" She felt Luke's soft hand wrap around her upper arm and had her sit back down. Luke rubbed her back, and let her cry on his shoulder. He was always easier to talk to. Always. And Clary sometimes wished that he literally truly were her father; just because Luke deserved it more than anyone in the world. Sure he was to Clary and always has been, but she just wished that the blood actually tied. "I know you are angry…" Luke finally began to speak as he stroked her hair, and let her face be buried in his shoulder. His shirt was soaked with her tears, her head was hurting, and her eyes were sore, but she just couldn't stop the water flow. "and I must agree that you're mother is being…" He trailed off, trying to find more _appropriate_ words to describe the episode. "unreasonable. But you're only stressing the baby."

"That's another thing…" Clary cried against his shirt. "He's _always_ crying. Everything makes him cry, a breath of wind, the vibration of my phone, _everything_. I know I am a bad mother!"

"Oh no…" Luke cooed, and forced her to look at him.

"But I can't even stand when my child cries."

"Clary," Luke stopped her. "Who the hell on God's green earth told you that this was going to be easy? Children don't come with an instruction manual. You basically have to learn as you go, just like them. Of course all the crying is going to bother you, and stress you out. It's normal, it doesn't make you a bad mother."

"Well then Jace is a bad father!" Clary cried. "I wouldn't be feeling like a bad mother if he at least _looked_ interested in his own son!"

"I understand." Luke sighed and made her lean her head against his chest. "I understand that you are exhausted, and stressed, but Jace is too."

"No he's not!" Clary cried like a five year old, but didn't care, it felt nice to feel young and immature again, even if she was crying.

"Clary, I know this may sound crazy, but men-"

"Get postpartum depression, I know!" Clary snapped, with tears still glistening in her eyes. "Isabelle already mentioned it, and I researched it. But it's no excuse!"

"Clary…" Luke sighed sadly. "Depression isn't a choice or a mood, it's a condition. So many people don't understand this, and it's quite all right, it's normal not to understand, you are not a doctor after all. But what Jace is going through isn't his choice. He can't stop the terrible thoughts inside his head, or the achy feeling he gets whenever Luka makes a single noise. Women who get postpartum are known to be extremely normal, until the baby is born. Postpartum is very dangerous, and most doctors will tell you to never leave the child alone with them, in fear that they hurt them. It could've happened to you as easily as it could happen to anyone. No one knows exactly what causes it, but there are some ideas." Clary had calmed down enough to truly listen, and look Luke in the eye.

"Like what?"

"Being as young as the two of you are, is a huge factor in it. You are teen parents."

"What else?" Clary asked, almost afraid to know. Luke's face turned a bit red and he looked away. Clary grew a bit impatient. "Luke! What else!" Luke let out an awkward sigh, and finally turned to look at Clary.

"Lack of sex." Now it was Clary's turn to turn as red as an apple. She looked away and down into her lap, she could hear the faint cries of her son from the other room, and her mother trying to hardest to get him to stop. "Did…" Luke awkwardly cleared his throat. "Did you two have sex during the pregnancy?" Clary slowly shook her head.

"He was afraid to hurt the baby, we did in the beginning, but once I… once I began showing… he was petrified…" She finally looked her father in the face. "_Literally_ petrified." She said.

Later that evening Jace came home and she made him something to eat. He tried to talk her out of cooking him anything, but she insisted. She thought she would try and dig inside his brain while they silently ate together, but he wouldn't budge. She was slowly starting to think that maybe both Luke and Isabelle where right. He wasn't the same Jace at all, and just the idea was an understatement. Alec had mentioned that even when they went hunting he wasn't as fast or as strong. He wasn't witty or arrogant anymore. He barely looked good in the least. He had lost some weight, and stopped taking care of his long curly locks. His hair wasn't shiny anymore, like sparkles of gold in the light. Instead it looked more like a dirty ashy color, his eyes were more of a brown hue these days. He didn't eat much, and now that she took the time to study his features, he looked sad. She always mistook his looks as anger and annoyance, but now that she was _really_ looking at him, the emotion she was witnessing was sadness. And though she tried to get him to talk about it, he wouldn't budge.

Clary washed some dishes and left Jace to finish his food at the table. She went into their bedroom, and decided to be spontaneous. When Jace came in after, she surprised him by popping out from beside the door, and wrapping her arms around Jace's neck. She pressed her lips against his, hoping- begging for Jace to respond. To Clary's happiness Jace returned the kiss. His hands went to her waist, his fingers massaging the skin there. Clary smiled against his lips, she was so thrilled to have some kind of reaction from him. She let her tongue run along his bottom lip, asking for entrance. Jace consented and his tongue entered her mouth, exploring every part of her. Clary clung her fingers to his shirt, and tugged on it to bring them flush against each other. As much as Jace missed touching her, and kissing her, he had absolutely no interest in sex right now. He just wanted to go to sleep, and secretly pray that the monster in the other room didn't wake them again. If he could just get _one_ night of sleep, maybe he would be able to stop thinking all of these dreadful thoughts. Jace pushed her away, and looked down at the ground, not willing to look her in the eye. "I'm sorry, Clary." Jace whispered, then walked to one side of the bed, removing his weapons belt, jacket, and boots. "I just… can't tonight." _Or any other night_. He thought lonely. Clary nodded, trying her hardest to hide the deep hurt she was feeling deep within her heart. He didn't want the baby, and now he didn't even want her….

Clary was woken in the middle of the night by their son's screams again. He never slept a whole way through, and he was almost six months old now, _something_ has got give, she thought to herself. She sat up in bed and was about to head to the baby's room when she realized Jace wasn't in bed. Then the baby monitor rang out, and she heard Jace's voice on the other end. Between Luka's screams, and whatever Jace was saying, she couldn't make it out, so she tip-toed down the hall and peeked inside the baby's room.

There was Jace, sitting in the middle of the floor holding their son and crying hysterical. Tears and snot soaked Jace's face as he rocked back and forth with a screaming child in his arms. It was hard to understand him at first until Jace just finally started begging.

"Please just stop!" He cried. "I beg you, just stop! I just want one night without you screaming! Please!" Jace cried harder. "I'll do anything, just stop!" Clary brought a hand to her mouth in shock. She had _never_ seen Jace this vulnerable before. The tears in his eyes were so heavy, he might as well be a crying eight year old child.

"Why do you do this?" Jace asked. _Do what_? Clary wondered. "There has to be a reason to why you think it's fair to do this!" Jace cried. "All you do is scream, who the fuck screams this much!" Jace yelled. "I don't care how little you are! There is only so much someone can take! You have to have killed your vocal chords by now!" He was still rocking back and forth, at first Clary thought he was trying to rock the baby, but now she thinks he was just losing his mind.

"Why did you have to come into my life and ruin everything!" He yelled. "I didn't ask for this!" Jace sobbed, the baby's face was soaked, but at this point Clary was convinced that it was from Jace's tears instead of his own. "I just want Clary, not _you_! I don't want you! I want her, but she wants _you_!" Jace cried. "She loves you more than me, and I hate it, I hate you!" Then Jace bent his head over to cry on the poor infants stomach. "But I don't want to! I know I am terrible for hating you, and I'm sorry, but I do, I can't help it, I do! I hate you! I want things to go back to the way they were. I want her all to myself!" The baby was finally getting quiet, he was letting out a few hiccups and sniffs, while Jace still sobbed away. Soon the baby finally stopped crying, while just making simple baby noises, while Jace continued to sob above him.

"I'm sorry…" Jace repeated over and over. "I'm sorry… I don't want to hate you, but I do… I am so confused… I have never been this confused… _you_ do this to me!" Jace told Luka. While the baby reached up and ran his fingers over Jace's face. Finally Clary thought it was time to emerge in the room, as slowly as she could. However, she forgot Jace's sensitive hearing, and he whipped around to see her, barely in the door. He scooted back against the crib with Luka still in his arms. She had a better view of Jace's face now. It was filthy of tears, and his eyes were red and swollen. She came in the room and bent down to Jace's level.

"Jace."

"You weren't supposed to see this…" Jace tried to make his voice even, but he failed as it shook in his throat. Clary held out her hands, asking for the baby.

"Let me see Luka." She said. Then suddenly Jace's effort to keep up his façade ended, and he held the baby tighter in his arms.

"I wasn't going to hurt him, I swear!" He cried. "I was just trying to get him to stop!"

"I didn't say you were going to hurt him, Jace." Clary said softly. "I just want to feed him." Jace shook his head, while more tears spilt over.

"No, you think I will hurt him, you're going to take him, and leave me, aren't you?" Now tears were stinging Clary's eyes. He was convinced that she was going to leave him, and giving the baby over meant that she was gone. She wouldn't leave, even if she wanted to. She wanted to help him get through this. They were a family, and family never give up on each other.

"No." Clary said firmly, with tears dripping down her chin. "I will _never _leave you! And I _don't_ think you would ever hurt Luka, no matter how much you don't like him."

"I didn't mean that when I said it!" Jace cried out. "I-I-I was just angry!"

"Jace!" Clary snapped a bit. "Just _please_ give me the baby."

"Don't leave me!" He countered.

"I wont!" She said it as sternly as possible, hoping he would believe her. But it seemed to have worked, reluctantly Jace handed her the baby, Clary went and sat on the rocking chair, and started to feed him. She was humming to him, rocking back and forth as the baby fed from her breast. Clary didn't quite know what to say to Jace, and he obviously didn't know either. She still didn't say a word as she continued to feed their son.

"Doe it hurt?" Jace finally spoke. Clary looked up to see Jace still sitting in the same position she left him in.

"No," She smiled. "It sort of tickles, but soon he'll have teeth, that's why I want to start weaning him soon." Jace just nodded and looked straight ahead at nothing. Tears were falling down her face, but Jace didn't know, because she was keeping it calm. Her voice continued to hum, but without a single waver in her throat. She was shocked with herself to be frank. Luke and Isabelle were right, Jace had postpartum. The way he had just acted was not normal in the least. But she knew he wouldn't hurt Luka, and even if he would, she had to show that she trusted him or else they would never make it past this. One thing's for certain she had to make one thing clear. She turned and looked at the man she loved again, who still sat motionless. She was sure he was embarrassed and ashamed that she witnessed his mental breakdown. But she would continue to support him no matter what!

"Jace?" He didn't move, but that didn't stop her from telling him what she needed to tell him. "I don't love him more…" His eyes adverted in her direction. "I love you…" her voice finally wavered. "I love you _so much_! But I love both of you! Okay?" Jace showed more signs of tears, as he began to sob again.

"I wouldn't hurt him…" he said again. "I promise!"

"I know." Clary said before looking back down at their boy who was slowly falling asleep with her nipple still inside his mouth.

"Clary?" She looked back.

"I love you too…"

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><p>So what do you think so far? It's just a two-shot, so one more chapter. It's taking me a while to write this one too, cause it required a lot of research, but yeah men do get postpartum depression, it's just a little different than how women get it. I read a few articles about men and their experiences on postpartum, a lot of them did what Jace just did. Quietly and secretly break down on the floor of their kid's bedrooms. I actually figured Jace was the best example of this, due to his lack of good childhood, it seems pretty in character for him. I may have pushed it to the extreme, but hey... it's a short story. What 'based on a true story' movie isn't exaggerated? lol. Please tell me what you guys think =)<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Blah blah blah I'm not Cassandra Clare blah blah I only own the plot and storyline blah blah the characters are not mine blah blah blahhhh. lol**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>2<p>

Jace sat motionless as the baby squirmed, and screamed in his lap. He had just one arm draped around the baby's midsection as the child cried, and kicked. At this point he could not hear, or even see anything. He had completely zoned out. Luka's cries echoed off the walls, but Jace didn't hear a sound. If you were to ask him to explain it, it was like falling asleep, but still somehow being awake. His eyes are opened, he can see the kitchen around him, but he's unresponsive to all of it, as if he were asleep.

"Jace!" Of course he heard, nothing. He didn't even flinch at the sound of Clary's voice. He stared straight ahead at the cabinetry in front of him. Clary notices his catatonic behavior, and suddenly panics. Has he finally gone crazy?

"Jace!" She said again, this time standing next to him. "Jace!" She shouted, and this time she was directly in front of him, kneeled down to his eye-level. Jace jerked out of his sleep-like trance, and held the baby tighter in his one arm, as he finally noticed his surroundings.

"Wh-what!?" His voice shook as he looked around, dazed and confused, while Luka still struggled in his arm.

"Jace," Clary sighed irritably as she roughly took Luka from him. Jace felt a sudden urge of resentment, and almost snatched back the child out of anger, but he thought against it. Luka was already fussy, as well as his mother, doing so would only exacerbate things.

"I'm sorry." Was the only thing Jace could croak out of his very dry, and scratchy throat. Clary growled in frustration as she slightly bounced Luka, trying to shake up all of his trapped gasses.

"I understand you're having difficulties with this, Jace." She groaned deeply. "But you need to _at least_ make an effort." Jace's fists clenched, he was _trying_. The problem was he was lacking in so much sleep that he wasn't even sure what real and what were his dreams. "You were practically falling asleep with him in your arms. You could've dropped him!" Her tone was getting to him. He felt like she was treating him like _he_ was the infant. How is she not even the slightest bit tired? The both have been getting up with him, trying to get him past this. The poor thing has been sick so much that he was surprised that he hadn't exploded by now. Jace didn't even care if the kid vomited everywhere, he was pretty certain that'd he'd feel better if he did.

One thing's for sure, Jace was beginning to hate Luka less and less, but Clary hasn't been able to notice, due to the fact that he's been sick as a dog, and they've lacked in even more sleep, trying to help him feel better. It's not like the poor thing can tell them exactly what's wrong. They have to go with their instincts, if those are even correct.

Jace wanted to storm away, he wanted to go to bed and slam the door as hard as he could. Now his resentment was towards Clary for treating him like an idiot half the time. He wanted to hit her, for once in his life; he's never even hit Isabelle when they were kids. If it's one decent thing Valentine taught Jace, was to respect woman. Valentine was never anti feminine. He believed anyone could be the best warrior. But Clary was truly pushing him to his limits. There have been times when Jace has had to escape outside to pick a fight the side of the house. As long as he wasn't swinging his fists at Clary, he didn't care.

"Sorry…" Jace mumbled again.

"Sorry…" Clary repeated. "Why do you say that, when you just, keep doing it again, and again?" Okay, that was enough.

Suddenly, Jace regained strength as if he caught up on all his sleep in the last three minutes. He stood up so fast that the chair he sat on when flying across the kitchen. His muscles were so tense that every vein in his arm popped, and his knuckled were turning hot white.

"Oh! So now I am a piece of shit, who never means it when he apologizes. I say it to taunt you, to show you how much I want to take your fucking head and just slam it into a fucking brick wall. Because let me tell you, I have been fantasizing about that for about a week now, and that comment has put me at my last minute, and I am _this_ fucking close to actually fucking doing it, Clarissa!"

Clary was in shock. The baby actually quieted down a bit, but still making fusses while being held by his mother. Her mouth dangled open, and she was left speechless at his outburst. She never knew Jace to be that cruel to her. Maybe to others, even Isabelle, but never has he ever said such terrible things. She could feel the burning behind her eyes, the knot in her throat, and the uneasiness in her stomach. Without realizing the tears had spilled over onto her cheeks, and her lipped quivered, but before she could say anything, Jace only hurt her more.

"Oh… so now _your_ feelings are hurt… for once… I don't care. This is how you've been making me feel for the past week! Don't feel too good does it?" Still Clary said nothing; she didn't have a single idea on how to respond such a thing. Now it was her turn to stare off into space, like a person gone insane. She didn't snap out of it until she heard Jace's footsteps. She looked up to see him exiting the kitchen. With the baby in her arms she stood up and followed. She was scared to realize that he had grabbed his jacket and was about to leave out the front door.

"Where are you going?" Her voice sounded desperate, more than she wanted it to. Was he leaving her? For good? He couldn't. He just couldn't!

"I am going to figure some things out." He responded bluntly, the tone in the back of his throat sounding more and more distant. Like his words were translating to "None of your business!" It frightened Clary, but her pride kept her from begging him to stay. So she watched him stumble out into the muggy rain, and disappear from her sight…

After Jace arrived at the house of his 'In-laws' As soon as the door opened, Jace came face to face with Jocelyn, who snubbed him before walking away from the door to let Luke invite him insdie. Luke took him to the kitchen for some privacy, and immediately after arriving their Jace let out his unusual anger.

"Seriously, you need to tell your wife that if she is going to keep judging me, that she should take one hard look in the fucking mirror. I am not the one will _willingly_ married a sociopath. Stupid bitch!"

"Whoa!" Luke forced Jace down in a chair, and stood over him, like a father ready to spank his son. "Look here, I get that she is a…. hard woman at times, but that is my wife, and you'll respect her!"

"Why should I?" Jace countered. "She has absolutely no respect for me, so the least she could do is deal with me being an asshole to her!"

"It makes you the better person, Jace!" Jace scoffed at his father –In-law.

"Because nice guys always finish last." Luke decided not to feed into his anger any longer. Instead he sighed loudly and sat across from Jace.

"Okay, what's wrong?" He asked him.

"Is there _anything_ we can do to make Luka better. The poor kid is so sick…" Jace sighed and laid his head against his arms on the table. Sleep was ready to take hold, but this was more important. Luke cocked his head to the side, as he watched Jace look peaceful for once, almost like a child again with his head laying flat on the table. He wanted to smile, but he knew that if he did Jace would take the wrong way. He was acting more like a loving father, rather than a man who resents his child.

"He's running a fever?" Luke asked. Jace slowly lifted his head up again, his eyes looking so heavy, and drained of life. He nodded, his eyes barely open.

"Remove all his clothing, and don't give him a blanket when he sleeps. He needs the fever to go down first, before anything else starts to feel better. That fever will just beat him down until then. Chicken broth, and no milk."

"Common sense about the milk." Jace said through a yawn. "Although I almost want to give it to him anyways, just because I think if he puked his brains out he'd feel better." Jace remembered all the times he would get drunk then force himself to puke in order to sober up, before he stumbled back home to the institute and listened to a long lecture from Maryse, not that Isabelle didn't do the same thing. Just because they were underage did not mean they would never get drunk.

Luke chuckled at Jace's words. Knowing fully well that when Clary would get sick, she always seemed a tad better after finally throwing up, but this was a baby, Clary was about three years old. "I know," Luke smiled. "But you have to be patient…" Luke paused as he watched Jace force himself to stay awake, he thought of something, and decided to give it a try.

"When he's feeling better, drop him off here, so you and Clary can get a break. Catch up on your sleep. You both deserve it-"

"No!" Jace suddenly blurted out, shocking both Luke and Jocelyn who stood in the hallway listening. "We can take care of him!" He sounded insulted; it was not at all what Luke was suggesting. "We're parents now, and that means we. Take. Care. Of. Him. Not you! We can't send him off just because it's getting a little hard. What kind of parents would that make us!?"

"You would not be terrible if you took a break, Jace." The voice came from a voice that neither of them expected. Jocelyn stood in the kitchen doorway, one hand softly up against the frame, while she slightly leaned on the other side. Her long curly red mane was up in a messy French braid that came down and around her shoulder. Her eyes looked dull in the lacking of light in the room. And she wore her usual paint covered overalls.

"Seriously, you would not be terrible! All hard working, good parents deserve a break every once in a while. There were times when Luke took Clary to the park for a day so I could rest up at home. If you want we could even take the baby now, but that's entirely up to you. You both are doing a great job, no one thinks otherwise…"

Jace stared at her in utter disbelief. He then looked at Luke, who returned the glance. All three remained quiet as they awaited Jace's full answer. Then suddenly Jace's laughter broke the tension. He leaned over the table with one hand covering his face. And then he spoke in his least eloquent for of language, ever.

"Is she for real?"

Jocelyn groaned and threw her hands up in the air. "That's it! I try to be nice, and he laughs at me! HA!" And she turned on her heal and left a laughing Jace with her husband…

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><p><strong>HI! Long time no see. I am so incredibly sorry for the random hiatus I took. For a while I got hard core writers block for the story Slut Year, and it's still on a block. :( And so I would try and focus on my other stories until my inspiration for SY returned, but for some reason I could not focus on them, my mind kept on going back to SL. It was like my brain was saying "NO! I don't want to work on other stories, I only want to think of new stuff for SL." And I serioulsy, seriously am stuck with that one. Remember, that wasn't one of my serious stories. So I think that's why I am stuck with it. My other stuff has a more thought-through idea while with SY I was kind of just making stuff up as I went along, and I have finally ran out of fuel. <strong>

**So Slut Year is the ONLY story I have that I am willing to take ideas for, just to help me along. All my other stuff is set and stone. If you come up with a great add-on to help push me forward I will gladly give you the credit, trust me! lol So go and leave a comment on that story with your idea, or leave it in this one, or in my inbox. I don't care. lol**

**As for people who have sent me Private Messages, I am SO SORRY I am not ignoring you, it's just I have not logged in in SO LONG that I just didn't get them. So I am sooooooo sorry. I am a TERRIBLE person! :S**

**As for this story, I think there will be one more chapter, if not maybe two, but I doubt it. This is just a quickie, a short story lol. How do you like the ending of this chapter? Jace is funny huh? I kind of imagine Jace and Jocelyn having that love-hate relationship, like what Roseanne developed with Mark in the later seasons of 'Roseanne'? So that's why I put that in there. lol. I thought it was cute.**

** Criticism? Hate it? Love it? Post it.**

**lol Goodnight. **

**P.S. I did very little editing with this, so I apologize if there are a lot of errors. But either way, just point it out anyway that way I know to fix it.**

**THANKS!**

**McBoogerBalls.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: **Yeah yeah, you already know. I am not Cassandra Clare, I do not own the characters, just the plot. okay let's go!**

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><p>Post Partum<p>

3

Luka screamed loudly as Jace tried his best to change his diaper and clothe him. The child was in so much pain, Jace could tell this much, but what else was there to do? He was sure that even with the slightest bit of pressure Jace made on his stomach to hold down the infant was unbearable. Lifting his legs to place the diaper beneath his bum erupted even louder screams. And though Jace wanted so much to put a sock in Luka's mouth, he continued on without acknowledging the cries of the child.

"You're doing it wrong!" Clary snapped and shoved Jace to the side with enough force to make him stumble. Anger flared inside of him, he felt that shaky feeling that was present whenever adrenaline was coursing through your veins, and with more force than Clary had done to him, he pushed her back. She did not fall, or even hit the wall, but it was enough force for her to realize that he wouldn't mind if she had fallen or slammed against anything.

Jace proceeded to change the infant, without even glancing back at Clary, which made her enraged. She glared back at him, hoping the weighing of her stare would make him look at her, but nothing. He continued to change the baby, not even acknowledging her the slightest.

"Don't. _Ever_. Push me!" She said through gritted teeth, but Jace still did not turn to her. Luka's cries had stopped now that Jace stop putting pressure on his delicate little stomach. He now was sitting up as Jace put on the remainder of his clothes. He giggled as Jace brought his little arms through the sleeves of his blue shirt with little rocket ships, but Clary didn't even notice that her child was smiling, her focus was on her anger for Jace.

"I said," Clary marched up to him. "Don't _ever _push me!" And with any strength she could find, shoved him back against the wall, startling Luka, and cries carried around the room once again. She could practically feel the heat from Jace's anger on her skin, but she did not care. She was sick of his shit, and she didn't even care if he walked out this time. She wanted him gone, out of her life, she can take care of a screaming infant on her own, but what happened was not what she expected.

Jace ignored her. He rolled his eyes, and went back to attend to Luka. Clary couldn't believe it; he wasn't even going to recognize that she was angry. What does a girl have to do to get a little attention? Clary decided to shove Jace away from Luka the second he reached him.

"Clary, stop it." He sounded tired.

Tired?

He didn't even know the meaning of the word '_tired_'. Clary would show him _tired_. As he was about to attend to Luka again, Clary slapped him….

Punched him…

Scratched him….

And kicked him…

Tears were streaming down her face as she screamed and slammed Jace in the chest repeatedly. He tried to fight back without actually hurting her. He would push her off of him, but it was as if she were a damn monkey. She would pounce on him with all the anger she had and just cling there, like a spider in a web.

"Hey just wanted… WHOA!" Simon had stopped by only to come face to face with the fighting couple. He watched Clary look vicious, and psychotic, like the women that would appear in the show COPS. Simon was completely in utter shock at the sight before him. "Heyheyhey! Stop it!" But just when he was about to interfere, Jace had pushed Clary clear across the bedroom, slamming her back against the wall with a hard thud. He face twisted in pain, and Simon was speechless, because the look on Jace's face shown absolutely no remorse for his action. In fact, not only did he look angry, he looked… relieved?

Now Clary was infuriated. She stood up quickly, and went to pounce on him again. Simon, with his vampire speed was going to block her, but Jace was even faster. He threw her over his shoulder, and stalked out of Luka's bedroom with her kicking and screaming into his back.

"PUT ME DOWN NOW, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

Jace kicked the door open to their bedroom with enough force for it to bounce off the wall, leaving a hole where the doorknob made contact with the drywall. He threw her onto the bed, and immediately turned to leave the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Jace!" Clary screamed, her voice wavered with tears. "Don't you dare lock me in here!"

Clary jumped off the bed to try and beat him to the door, but of course Jace was faster as usual. She reached the door just as Jace slammed it shut, and began smashing her fists against the cold hard wood. Tears soaked her face, and her head hurt with anger, but her adrenaline was so high, she was determined to bang until that door busted open.

"LET ME OUT, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

Jace turned around and marked the door with a rune, in order to keep her locked in. If she planned on breaking the door down, it would definitely take her quite a while.

"Jace!" Simon's irritating voice was now ringing in his ears. The last thing Jace needed was any noise. With Luka screaming in his bedroom, and Clary screaming in theirs', he didn't need the Vampire's annoying nagging right in his ear at the same time. "You can't lock her in there!"

"I just did." Jace spoke much too smoothly for Simon's nerves.

"I get that you both are stressed but-" Jace turned to Simon so fast that he knocked him off his feet, making him fall against the wall behind him.

"OR WHAT!?" Jace shouted, his eyes flaring, and the vein in his neck pulsing. Simon backed up, knowing that even with his vampire abilities he was no match for Jace.

"N-nothing," Simon backed away. Luka's screams were still so loud, Simon was sure all of China's population could hear the terrible volume of noise erupting inside the house. Clary was still screaming and her fists were still pounding against their bedroom door. And with Simon's sensitive hearing, it was nearly unbearable.

"That's what I thought." Clary forced her voice higher, and Simon swore he saw Jace's muscle twist in his neck, well, perhaps he was right. Because Jace turned around swiftly and impaled his fist into he, and Clary's bedroom door. The impact was so severe that the house shook, and Clary's screaming, and fisting came to an abrupt stop.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Jace shouted at the top of his lungs, with his face right up against the door. He bought his hands to his head, fisting his hair in his calloused fingers. "Just shut up I can't take it anymore!" For some crazy reason, Jace's outburst worked, Clary stopped, and so did Luka. The house was dead silent, except for Jace's heavy breathing. Simon was watching him closely. His eyes were squeezed shut so tightly, that Simon thought he would fall into convulsions. This has gone too far, they're both abusing each other, and this environment is not suitable for Luka. He needed to go tell Luke and Jocelyn right away.

"Jace…" Simon's voice was as soft as it could possibly be. "I really think you guys need some counseling…"

Suddenly Jace's eyes had popped open, and he turned to face Simon as if just now realizing he was there. "FUCK OFF, YOU SATANIC COCK SUCKER!" Jace shouted, while he was cornering the poor vampire into the wall. "You don't know what you are talking about, so get the FUCK OUT OF HERE!" And like that Simon took this as his queue to take off without getting killed by Jace. With the lightning speed he possessed, Simon maneuvered passed Jace and was gone in a flash.

Jace leaned against the wall to catch his breath, and to even out his heartbeat. After a few seconds of trying to breath, he remembered Luka was alone in his room. Jace quickly walked down the hall to see the child playing with a toy in his crib. To Jace's shock he didn't try to crawl out, since the bars had been lowered to change him. Jace went to the crib, and the boy looked up and smiled widely. Jace gently lifted him out of the crib, slowly sat down, and twisted so his back was against the crib with Luka in his lap.

"I'm sorry." Jace said to the boy. "I know you are probably afraid of mommy and daddy, and you're sick, so… you don't need any of this." The baby giggled, and made some gurgling noises before actually forming a coherent word.

"Dad-dy!" The baby screeched, and Jace jumped.

"What did you just say?"

"Dad-dy!" Somehow, Jace couldn't help the smile that spread across his face.

"Funny, I have done nothing but treat you terribly, and yet, you say _my_ name first." Jace paused for a moment, than suddenly Jace embraced his son tightly. "Thank you. You have no idea how good that just made me feel." A tear rolled down Jace's face as he pulled Luka away to look at him. "I guess I do love you after all." Jace smiled.

Clary was scurrying around the bedroom, tearing apart dressers, and cabinets. She was sure she left her stele out in the living room, but she was going to make sure of that, and if it meant turning their bedroom upside down, and dumping everything out all over the place, then she sure as hell would do just that. Tears dirtied her face, as she threw things, ripped things, broke things, but no stele. She was trapped in her own bedroom. She couldn't believe Jace would do something like this. And what about Luka? Jace was alone with Luka! She never believed Jace to hurt the baby but at this point she didn't know what would happen. At this thought she screamed one last scream before breaking down into hysterics. She fell to her knees and rolled into a fetal position. Her throat soared with stinging pain; her head felt like someone inside of it was taking a hammer to the walls of her skull. Her eyes felt swollen, and her lungs were swelling right up against her ribs. There was nothing else she could do but cry. She couldn't break the window, she couldn't break the door, she was completely trapped. Curse her for showing Jace this rune. It was meant to keep Luka from getting into things, or straying out of the particular room they wanted him to stay in. She kept picturing a dead baby in her mind, and the tears would run harder, and faster. She cried and cried, she cried like a five-year-old calling for her mommy. All she wanted was to make sure Luka was safe

Clary sat back up, and took a deep shaky breath. She took her fingers to her swollen face and wiped roughly, as if to wipe clear off any evidence of her hysteria. She dropped her hands in her lap, and glanced around the room, her green eyes stopped at a knocked over picture frame on her dresser. It was the photo of her and Jace, the one Isabelle took a long time ago. Clary bent over him with one hand on his shoulder, trying to get a glimpse at the book he was reading, and Jace with his eyes on the book, and a genuine smile while his hand was caressing the one resting on his shoulder.

Anger from an unknown source, coursed through Clary as she quickly stood up and stumbled over the mess in her room, to reach the photograph. Her delicate pale hand clenched it tightly, before using as much power to smash it into the ground. And though Clary thought she's feel satisfaction at the demolished picture frame, a sudden pang of sadness ripped through her, and she found herself on all fours picking on the pieces.

"Oh.. no." Clary sobbed, her tears dripping onto the diamond glass below her, and the picture of a couple that she no longer recognized. Her tears were now no long of hysteria, but of a broken hearted girl. She picked up the picture out of the pile of broken glass and hugged it tightly to her chest. _What happened to him? What has happened to us?_ All Clary wanted was Jace back, but asking for that would be sacrificing Luka, and she could never sacrifice her son. She was beginning to believe that if Jace has progressed this far into depression, there was no way he was ever coming back. And she sat there and wept, she wept as if she were mourning over Jace's grave. To her, it might as well be what it is.

Simon returned with Luke, Jocelyn, Alec and Magnus two hours later. Magnus used the light in his fingers to unlock the front door. And when they entered they found a curled up, sleeping Jace, and Luka on the living room floor, underneath a thick quilt. All the adults were shocked to see such an image at this time, but none expressed it. Perhaps they were more concerned with Clary still be locked away in her room, or maybe it was that they were in a rush, because it took Simon nearly two hours to get a hold of anyone to come over. Anything could've happened in two hours

"Clary must still be locked in the bedroom." Simon said in a whisper. Magnus made his way through the home, maneuvering between the other adults, and to the couple's bedroom. Luke and Jocelyn followed and waited as Magnus unlocked that door. When the door swung opened, they found Clary passed out at the end of the bed. Her red curls spread out along the bed behind her, and in her tight grasp, a photograph, nearly bent and wrinkled due to her tight squeeze on it. Her face was filthy, stained with tear tracks, and the outer rim of her eyes red and puffy. They glanced around the room to see that she had thrown nearly anything she could find. There were broken glass on the floor, and torn pillows. There were no holes in the back of the bedroom door, due to the strong rune Jace placed upon it.

"I think they just needed sleep" Magnus chuckled. "Maybe it's good that they've got all that out of their system.

"Magnus! This is serious." Jocelyn hissed.

"I _am_ being serious!" He laughed again. Jocelyn sighed and walked back into the living room, where Jace and Luka were asleep. She gently picked Luka out Jace's arms, and held his sleeping form snuggly. She bent down slightly, and gently shook Jace.

"Jace…. Jace…"

"Huh!" Jace sat straight up, and rubbed his eyes. When he looked at the floor next to him, he panicked. "Where's Luka!?" He scrambled with the blankets and shaking at he thought the child crawled away. In his panicked state he hadn't even noticed his mother-in-law holding his son.

"Jace!?" Jocelyn somewhat shouted. "I'm holding him!" Jace looked up at her, blinking his tired eyes to focus.

"Oh Thank the Angel."

"Jace…" Jocelyn spoke softly. "Luke and I are taking the baby for a while. You and Clary need to sort things out." In his groggy state, it took a moment for Jace to let the words sink in. He looked up at Jocelyn, trying to let his eyes focus. He stood up on his two feet, and looked at the sleeping form in Jocelyn's arms. "You can't.." Jace barely said in a whisper.

"It's only until you two fix things between you. It's not safe for him while you two act like this." Jace's eyes switched from his mother-in-law to Simon standing at the other end of he room. At eye contact Simon immediately looked down at his feet, not wanting to face Jace. He was expecting Jace to throw an insult like, _rat_, _weasel_, or as Jace put it earlier, _Satanic cocksucker_! But Jace did no such thing, he just looked back at his mother-in-law, not sure what else to say.

"Only for a little while?" He asked. Jocelyn nodded.

"Only until you are back on your feet. You know that it's the right thing to do." Jace didn't answer, he only nodded, no longer making eye contact before. Suddenly he heard a shriek from the other room, and Clary came rushing out with tears running down her face. Again she went straight for Jace, swinging her fists at him, while Jace just stood there letting her assault her.

"This is all your fault!" She yelled, waking the baby and making him cry.

"Clary!" Luke stepped up and grabbed her arm roughly and yanked her away from Jace. Clary looked at her father in shock, and utter disbelief.

"You're sticking up for him!? Over me!?" She cried.

"I am sticking up for your relationship and your son!" Luke countered back, his voice not rising volume, but definitely as hard as stone. He let her go and she backed away from him, ashamed. "You are both to blame! You can't be attacking him in front of your son! That is _not_ healthy for a child's well being in any way! These are the sorts of things that lead him to grow up and be the next Jonathan Clarissa!"

Clary's eyes bulged at the thought, she would be devastated if Luka turned into something like Jonathon she would be so broken hearted, she wouldn't even know how to live with herself. She bent her head down; not willing to look her loved ones in the face. Her father was right; she was just as much responsible as Jace was. They have both made a terrible disruptive environment for their child. And that was definitely awful parenting.

"We have arranged a counseling session for the two of you." Alec chimed in. "You both need it. I don't care if it's a mundane doctor. At this point you need all the help you could get. Anything for my nephew!" Jace and Clary both nodded at Alec, neither of them looking up.

"You have an appointment in the morning, at 9:30 sharp!" Jocelyn spoke with ice in her throat. "You will be required to see her every week at the same time. If the time should change it will be either her say or if you need a reschedule. However, it's _crucial_ that you both go tomorrow, no ifs, ands, or buts!"

"Wh-what if.." Clary's dry itchy throat made it hard for her to speak as she asked the most difficult question burning inside of her heart. "What if it doesn't work?" She finally said through a shaky voice. At first everyone was silent, but then Luke spoke softly.

"You will see this counselor and we will go from there. What happens after that depends on the two of you!" Clary knew what that meant. They meant that the counselor would observe if it were time for them to cut the ties in their relationship. The thought hurt her deeply. The question of them fighting so much meaning it was time to call it quits. Tears dripped down her face quietly. She hoped to God that it would not come to that, although she feared that it already has. Jocelyn and Luke turned to leave with Luka in their arms.

"Wait!" Both Jace and Clary said at once. They turned around to face them, their eyes curious.

"Ca-can we say goodbye to him?" Jace's voice shook for the first time since Jocelyn everyone showed up. Clary looked at him in shock, he was about to cry about all of this. Clary was confused as his sudden change, but she put it aside for now, as Jocelyn handed him Luka and Jace embraced him tightly, repeating apologies against his perfect round head..

"We're both sorry baby…" Clary said hugging both of them at once. "You go with grandma and grandpa until mommy and daddy get better, okay?" Clary's voice was rocks, but she did not care. She didn't know how long exactly her parents planned on keeping her child from her, but she knew it was for the best. At least for now.

Jace handed him back to Jocelyn, who took him gently, and gave a weak but honest smile. Everyone turned to leave the couple alone in a dark and haunted house, with all of their demons locked inside with them…

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><p><strong>OKay, I guess I was wrong, at least one more chapter. lol. I LOVE this chapter. I think it's awesome. but I'll let you guys be the judge of that.<strong>

**Hate it? Love it? So So?**

**lol just let me know.**

**Scrottie**


	4. Chapter 4

Post Partum

4

"I don't understand why my mother insists on Mundane treatments. Couldn't we have used a shadowhunter psychiatrist? Or are there any?" Clary asked Jace as they parked and exited their vehicle. The autumn air smelt sweet, and the breezes blew at an even tempo. As Clary stepped up onto the sidewalk, a quick breeze flew by and brushed up the leaves right into her face. Red, orange, and yellow leaves clung to her fire-like hair, as she put up her arms to guard her eyes.

"A nephilim shrink would have cost more." Jace said softly as he gently brushed the leaves from her face, and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. It was the first time he had been affectionate since the night before when Jocelyn and Luke came to take the baby. As a matter of fact, Jace hasn't been affectionate since after Clary found out she was pregnant. It was both upsetting, and thrilling. Thrilling because the fact that Jace was still willing to touch her maybe meant they still had a chance at this.

"More than a regular psychiatrist?!" Clary's voice was filled with surprise, as her voice raised loud enough for a couple of mundanes walking side by side to glance over, just for a second.

"Yes…" Jace was still being unusually quiet for himself. He talked in such a low voice that Clary had to ask almost every time to repeat what he said.

"Jace," Clary hugged her jacket closer to her body as another breeze drifted by. "Do you know how much a mundane Psychiatrist costs?"

"Well.." Jace looked around at particularly nothing, before looking down into her green eyes. He noticed that in the autumn the green stood even brighter compared to the browns, reds, and gold. "We're in New York- to be more specific- Manhattan. About 250$, and I am sure your mother insisted it this route because she has mundane insurance."

"Doesn't the Clave offer that?" She asked.

"Not for us, and not for things like this. " His voice sounded tired, he must be. She could hear him moving around the house throughout the night. They decided not to sleep in the same room, which put a terrible pang in Clary's heart the night before, but she knew that fighting was the not the best idea so she agreed. He insisted she have the bedroom, she tried to persuade him otherwise, but Jace would not have it. So, in order to avoid another fight, she let it go.

"What do you mean 'not for us'?"

"We're out of any official teams, we get paid on a lower salary, because we're younger, and due to the baby we can't join any teams until we're either ready, or just plain_ want_ to. Therefore we don't get the benefits." This upset Clary. One thing she can say about the mundane laws, they knew that you had an extra mouth to feed, and clothes to buy. So in return to lower income parent's they offer welfare, food stamps, and Medicaid. What did the Clave offer you? Nothing at all… They caused her to put a mental note in her head to head down to the Social Security Office.

"But we should, _because_ we have a baby."

"Never said the Clave was the best government." Jace said bluntly. Clary couldn't help it. His current state was depressing her. She wanted him to talk to her, to hold her, to hold him. She wanted nothing more than to just fix everything for the both of them in the blink of an eye, so they can bring Luka home, and be a family again.

"Jace…" She sighed. "You know I-"

"We should head inside, or we'll be late." He cut her off. Clary instantly shut her mouth, not wanting to upset him any further than she had the day before. So instead she followed him up the steps to the cute, quaint little house. It was a duplex in one of the nicest areas of Manhattan. Clary dreamed of living in such a neighborhood. The park was close by, the schools were nice, and the people seemed friendlier. She would love to raise Luka in this neighborhood, but of course, she and Jace were young parents. And being young parents most likely meant that they didn't have much money.

Clary adverted her attention to the pretty building in front of her. The trim was a pale pink, and the rest was red brick. The home was definitely old, but remodeled to a newer state. It was so homey, warm and welcoming, this seemed to ease some of Clary's nerves a bit. She took a deep breath, and followed Jace up the stairs. He rang the doorbell, and we heard quiet shuffling. Clary had the strongest urge to hold Jace's hand tightly, but since Jace hadn't made a move to already do that Clary fought against it. Jace was always quick to hold her hand, touch her face, kiss her cheek, or rub her back, but he kept his distance, and that alone made her want to cry instantly to the thought.

"Hellooo!" The therapist answered a little too perky. "You must be my Lightwood appointment, correct?"

"Yes ma'am." Jace answered.

"My, and a gentlemen too." She grinned. "Please come in!" Just before Clary moved her foot to enter, She heard Jace mumble, "I'm not exactly a gentlemen." It was guilt in those words. Pure guilt, and she couldn't help but feel that she provoked such guilt.

As Clary entered the lively house, the smell of roses, and strawberries filled her nostrils. It was so clean and tidy. Jackets hung in an even row next to the door. She looked down to find slick, and shiny hard wood flooring. The walls had simple flowered wallpaper. Clary always felt most wallpaper was old lady-like and sometimes ugly. But this print seemed to fit well with the house. Not too much, not too subtle. The house was an older structure rebuild, so it needed that old fashion charm. The temperature was warm, not stuffy. Just right. She almost wanted to somehow steal this house from this woman.

"Go ahead and hang your jackets right there by the door." Her cheerful voice floated sweetly through the halls. "I know, it is quite a chilly day. One minute it was summer, and one day it's suddenly Fall, and before we know it, tomorrow will be winter." She giggled softly, and motioned her hand towards the love seat that was across from her cute little white armchair. Jace and Clary obliged, and sat next to each other on the couch. Clary glanced at Jace for a split moment; he looked uncomfortable, like he was being confronted in front of a jury. Clary felt the opposite; the house, the smell, the colors, the fall, and the nice woman made her feel more comfortable than she has felt in months.

"So…let's get started shall we?" She smiled sweetly. She had red hair, like Clary's except she had a sandier brown tint. Her roots, and ends were orange; it made clary wonder if she tried to dye it brown possibly. She had pale skin, and looked decently young. She wore thin-rimmed glasses, and had evenly cut bangs. She wore a cute little outfit. Boots that went up underneath her long skirt, and a red, grey, and black sweater. Almost vintage, Clary thought.

"My name is Kristen." She grinned at the two of them, while leaning on the clipboard that rested in her lap. "I know what you must be thinking… this girl cannot _possibly_ be much older than me. First off, thank you for thinking that I am so young, it's flattering." She smiled. Clary couldn't help but giggle back. She looked at Jace who forced a smile, but still remained somewhat stoic. "Actually I am thirty years old, but if you are wondering if you are in good hands, do not worry, I am legit I promise." She smiled again. "I have also taught psychiatry in a university for some time, as well as community college."

"Ummm, I actually have a question for you." Clary asked.

"Of course!" Kristen grinned.

"Do you draw… or paint?"

"Why yes!" She smiled even bigger than before. "How can you tell?"

"I guess artists, just know artists." Clary said shyly. Kristen smiled at her again, and tapped her pen into the air.

"You're probably right. I originally was an Art major when I first started out in school."

"What made you want to study psych?"

"Well, I wanted to help people, especially couples. I think in todays' time, most couples don't really know how…" She paused, thinking for a moment. "How to understand what is going on deeply inside. As much as this is modern times, I think many young couples expect this perfect-happy-go-lucky relationship. You never fight…" She held up her fingers for each subject. "Never cry, and never hurt each other. When in fact it is impossible to not make mistakes in this life. It is perfectly normal to fight with each other; even sometimes the most crucial fights are necessary. Not necessarily healthy in an environment for a innocent child" Her eyes adverted between the two of them when she said that, making them both feel a pang in the pit of their stomachs.

"However, sometimes we need them to relieve what is really bothering us. I like to help people find their deepest thoughts, to help understand why or what. In some ways, this job does require me to be creative. _That_ I am already a master at." She giggled. "So do you want to talk about your son, you home, anything you want."

Clary shook her head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stray from the subject."

"Oh no!" Kristen slowly shook her head. "Not a problem at all! As a matter of fact I usually like to start my sessions with new clients as giving them the will to choose what they want to talk about. It does not have to be immediately about your problems. We will slowly move into that, and find out what your biggest worries are, etcetera, etcetera. So we could talk about your common likes, dislikes. Your son, your parents, your art… anything you want." Clary smiled and nodded, feeling a little better now that she was here.

Kristen's eyes moved to Jace, she grinned again. "Jace! You have been so quiet since you walked in, how about we start with you?"

"Didn't hesitate to heave me out onto the spotlight, huh?" Jace tried to force a laugh, for some reason he had a feeling she didn't by it.

"It's my job." She smiled. Jace was quiet, leaving over against his knees, fiddling with his hands.

"Uh, what do you want me to talk about?"

"Anything you want, what comes to your mind?"

"I…I…"

"Here." Kristen repositioned herself in her seat. "I'll help you by asking a simple question." She looked up at nothing while she thought a moment. "What is your favorite thing to do most?"

"In general? With-"

"Exclude everything around you, Clary… the baby… your parents. Just you, what do you like to do?"

"Music…" Jace blurted, he had no idea why he had just blurted that, but he had. He figured he would've said training, or hunting. He could've lies and said he liked to go duck hunting, and that he just likes to work out. But for some crazy reason he said _'music'_.

"Okay, do you play an instrument or do you mean-"

"Instrument…. I play an instrument."

"Great! What do you play?"

"Piano…"

"Oh yes, very beautiful instrument. Then again, what form of music isn't beautiful in its own way?" She wrote something down on her clipboard, than glanced back up to him. "So when you play piano do you often play for others, are you in a band, or is it just a skill you learned while growing up?"

"A sk-skill…" Clary knew why he stuttered. He was suddenly remembering Valentine. He was quiver just slightly every time he was back there…in the memory.

"So…. What's it like when you do play?" Jace creased his brows at her. He slowly shook his head, and stuttered.

"What do you… what do you wa- what do you mean?"

"What I am asking you is what do you like most when you play?"

Jace still didn't quote understand what she wanted; he was too tired to think. No sleep for all this time had to create permanent brain damage. Jace brought his hand up and rubbed his fingers over his eyes, before squeezing the bridge to his nose.

"Jace! Just answer her!" Clary snapped. Kristen put up a hand signaling Clary to be silent.

"Don't patronize him, let him have his space." Kristen said softly, but Clary had suddenly decided she didn't like their therapist so much anymore.

"What goes on in your head when you play, Jace?" She asked another question, trying to egg Jace on.

"Nothing…" Jace let out a breath. "Everything…"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Sometimes it's calming." Jace sunk deeper into the couch, all of his tense muscles finally relaxing for the first time since he walked into the little quaint house. "What I mean by _nothing_ is that it clears my head, and I don't feel…" He trailed off, not finding the words.

"Less stressed?" Kristen completed his thoughts. Jace could only nod. "Is this, perhaps, your favorite thing about playing?"

"Well, one of the things." Jace scratched the stubble on his jaw.

"What else?"

"The sound, it's almost usually a lullaby. It's beautiful, and it usually creates a beautiful painted image in your head. It's a good feeling." Kristen smiled at this.

"One more question: How often do you play?" Jace shrugged at her.

"Not lately."

"Can I ask why?"

"I just… don't feel like it." Jace shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket, and looked down at his feet, while his knees jumbled back and forth. Kristen watched him for a moment longer, but decided to leave the subject where it was. She straightened her spectacles, and grinned towards Clary.

"How about you Clary? I am to assume your favorite hobby is art?" Clary nodded.

"I love to draw."

"What do you like to draw?"

"Observation, sometimes things from my head. It depends."

"On inspiration?" Kristen smiled widely.

"Yeah!" Clary smiled and nodded.

"What are the subjects that you usually draw? Still Life? Animals? Landscape? People?"

"I have… many drawings of Jace and the baby."

"So..." Kristen smiled. "I assume they're your favorite subjects?" Clary glanced at Jace who was still not making eye contact with either of them. Another pang hit her heart.

"Of course." Her voice sounded a bit weak. Kristen nodded and wrote down more things onto her clipboard.

"So is there anything either of you want to bring up into light?" Clary wanted to bring up everything, but Jace's actions were making her hesitate. He seemed absolutely uninterested in the session.

"Do you want to know what I think?" Kristen asked. The couple shrugged for her response. "I have been informed pre-your session about both of you, and your problems. Do either of you just… _talk_ to each other. Do you feel you can tell one another pretty much anything? Or are their bars that prevent you from doing this?"

Before Clary could say anything Jace said, "I usually can."

"Usually?" Kristen questioned. "You know what that tells me? It tells me that lately you haven't been feeling so comfortable with each other. With most couples, or even just anyone in general, their response would've been pretty positive. _Yeah! We talk all the time! She knows everything about me, and I know everything about her!_ The word _usually_ comes into play because you aren't feeling so confident in even saying that alone."

"Why am I being attacked!?" Clary suddenly turned swiftly to Jace, trying to get him to look at her. She was angry with him for putting her out there. For making her look like the bad guy in all this. To her surprise he actually looked at her, she expected to see anger, arrogance, but not hurt, and suffering. His eyes were tired, bloodshot, and saggy. Jace usually always had dark circles under his eyes from constant training and hunting, but nothing that said that he was completely unhappy. And this almost made her cry.

"Clary, no one is attacking you. This plays on both of you. Jace?" He looked at her, his face so dark and full of deprivation from so many different things. "It is clear to me that you suffer from clinical depression. I think at first it started as Post Partum, but now it has reached levels of Clinical. You show all the obvious signs towards me. No eye contact, lack of sleep. You don't even have the strength to do things that you like to do. It's a hassle, correct? You feel as if your body weighs a millions pounds, no matter how much sleep you get. Am I right?" Jace nodded

"I used to hate the baby. I wont lie about that." His voice shook, as tears feel. "And I feel terrible about it, but I don't hate him anymore. I really don't." Jace brought up a hand to wipe his tears. Clary stretched her hand out to touch his arms. His hid his face in the palm of his hand, as if embarrassed by his emotion. _Oh Jace_. Clary thought, wanting so bad to end his pain.

"It's okay, Jace. This is what we're here for." Kristen wrote more things down to her clipboard before looking at Clary.

"So here's what I would like to do. I'd like to counsel the both of you both separately, and together. I say this because Jace… you need a little more help than Clary. Not because you are bad person, or a bad father, but because you have a mental disorder that needs treating all on its own. I mostly want to counsel Clary to help aid you to a better life. That way we can all help each other in any way possible. I want to counsel you together, because a lot of your problems lie within you as a couple. You both are _not_ seeing eye to eye! You are fighting excessively, and the child adds stress to the both of you individually as well as a couple. Is that understandable?" They both nodded.

"Good…. Jace, I usually _do not_ want to treat our inner demon with medication, however, that is beyond me. It is your choice, and it is also crucial to your depression. I can prescribe you Anti-depressants. However, it is just a start. I want to see how you handle it, and what it does for you. If you rather just have the sessions and seek other ways to help you feel more motivated, and just.. alive than we can do that. I like to give my clients the choice. "

"You're the expert." Jace said bluntly.

"Okay, so I am going to prescribe you Zyprexa. I want you start on it immediately, that way we can talk about it during our next session. For our sessions we have all together, would meeting once every two weeks work for you?"

Clary nodded slowly, and looked at Jace who just shrugged. "Sounds pretty good."

"Jace… I would like to meet once a week, if that's okay with you, but only after our next session, because I have one more homework assignment for the both of you." She wrote some more things onto her clipboard, and then looked up with worried eyes, before she spoke again. "Brace yourself, I am about to ask you to do something you probably wont like, but like I said, I cannot force you, remember that. This is only a suggestion from me. But I think it would be a really good idea if you both took a break from each other."

Clary's ears rang by the sound of her words. Was she insane!? Encouraging a young couple to split up when they have a seven-month-old child? Who asks such a thing?

"Why!? How would that help?!"

"I feel that even the best couples need a break from one another. You don't need to be attached to the hip at all times. Yes, a break is a far more drastic thing than having him go on out to the bar with some friends, while you go shopping with the girls, or meet up with a close friend for coffee. Right now you are both getting a break from your child, I think that this is the best time to be taking a break from yourselves. Your child won't have to endure it. To him, it's like the both of you are on vacation. You call to say goodnight and maybe even read over the phone. Most couples go on a vacation, especially at this stage because the child is not as dependent on you. When they reach the terrible twos, they always want their mommy and daddy. Then again every child is different, but you catch my drift. I feel the two of you need space from each other."

Clary looked at Jace hoping for back up, but her worst fears came to the surface, as Jace said.

"Let's try it…"

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><p><strong>So how did you like it? I know this story keeps stretching. lol, but that's how writing goes. lol. I particularly loved this chapter. I really love anything related to psych. So that's why. But that doesn't mean you all will too. So this was just an informational chapter. I know, devastating ending, and a cliffy. I am a terrible person I know. But it'll all come together... I hope. lol Tell me what you think.<strong>

**This Chapter is dedicated to my AWESOME Drawing teacher Kristen Bartel. She is amazing, and does a FANTASTIC job teaching drawing and art on a whole new level. The ****psychiatrist is based off her character. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**So I mentioned this in my other story update, but I figure I'll mention it again, just incase not everyone got it. I had chapters written for ****almost all my stories... yeeeeaaaahhhh... they disappeared. I don't know what happened, I went to work on Slut Year some more, and I could not find the most recent chapter I had started, and I had gotten pretty far into the chapter, just needed to end it, same as this story too. And I guess I may have accidentally deleted all my updates. WAAAAAAAHHHHH. In a way it's a blessing in disguise because I think this chapter for this story turned out better than the original one that I lost. so hopefully it'll go that way for my other stories too. So I am SO SORRY it has taken me so long you guys. School, and work play a part in this as well. It takes me so long to just sit down and write these things, due to homework, and work. Soon we will have christmas break so hopefully I'll be able to write then. Thanksgiving break gave me some chances to write a little bit, hence this chapter and the chapter to my other story. But not much since I STILL had homework due AFTER Thanksgiving Break, so I had to work on some Essay papers during break too... LAME. SO I am so sorry guys. I am trying I really am. In the meantime, please enjoy this chapter. Love yous! =)**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I Do not own The Mortal Instruments, that would be Cassandra Clare, nor do I own the exerpt of a book in this chapter. I want to post the title, but I want people to guess what it is first. ;) enjoy!<strong>

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><p>5<p>

Clary watched Jace quietly as he packed a backpack, and one suitcase full of mostly clothes. The night before Jace had slept on the couch, giving Clary her space. It was a very lonely night of slumber for her. Not that she had much slumber at all. She tossed and turned, flipped and tumbled. It seemed that no matter what position she was in, her back seemed twisted and in pain. She piled blankets on top of blankets to get warm; the bed seemed to be so much colder when Jace wasn't in it. What had been giving her hope is the last few nights before the big fight. No matter how distant they were from each other, she always woke to finding Jace wrapped around her, keeping her warm, and keeping Jace feeling secure. He must still love her if he could not go one night without draping himself around his girl. But her hopes had been destroyed when Jace agreed with the shrink to take a break.

She wanted to cry, scream, yell, get down on her knees and beg Jace to stay, but something kept her glued to the bed while watching him slowly walk out of her life. No, he wasn't walking out of her life. He would always be there as the father of her child.

But that's worse.

She rather never have to see him again, if it mean that he would move on with someone else. She would have to watch other girls make him laugh, make him smile. Bear him children.

NO!

This was _her_ family. She wasn't going to let another girl come between Jace and the family he already made with her!

_Why am I like this?_ Clary thought to herself. This doesn't exactly mean it's the end. They have been at each other's throats, the baby had gone from crying all the time for no reason, to cry because he was sick In the long run both Jace and Clary caught Luka's bad flu. Which in turn made them even more on edge with one another. Why Clary acted as if they were breaking up was beyond her. They weren't officially broken up; this was just a break… that's all it was…. A break.

As Jace packed the last of his things that he would take with him back to the Institute, Clary finally mustered up the courage to say something, anything.

"Jace?" Her voice failed her. It had come out as a whisper, when she intended on making sure he heard her. She cleared her throat to try and get rid of the rustiness that rested in back. However, Jace still heard her, he suddenly stopped doing what he was doing, and held his gaze on her. For a moment she forgot she even asked for his attention. She began studying his face. He still looked so tired. Dark circles surrounded his eyes. His jaw line, and cheekbones seemed hollow, rather than defined. His face held scruff from days of going without shaving. He seemed so dull, like a dimming light. The gold hue that always brightened about him was out. Like someone had blown out the candle light behind his eyes. Had she done this to him?

"Did you say something?" He finally asked. She slightly shook her head to snap herself back to the moment. For a second she was lost for words, not sure what to say now that she actually was going to say something.

"Please… just… get healthy. Get some rest." She said softly. "I just want you to, be happy." She wanted to say many other things.

_I love you_

_Please stay_

_Don't forget me_

_I'll miss you_

_Don't go…._

"I will." He whispered before shoving the last of his things in his bag. "I promise." He finished packing, and stopped to look at her. She was now looking down at her hands, fiddling with her fingers. "Clary, I just need some alone time. If I had my way I wouldn't even be going to the institute." She glanced up, brows kneaded together.

"What do you mean?"

"If I could just have a cabin the woods, or house on a private beach- any where that no one goes near. I just want silence, and…. Sleep." He whispered.

"Do I…" Clary held in the tears. "Do you hate me, that much?" His head snapped up in her direction..

"If you want me to be honest…." He sighed. "I hate… not hating you." She looked up, her eyes full of regret, sadness, longing. "I don't hate you, I could never hate you. It's…" He paused trying to think. "Like when your mother pisses you off, and yet no matter how much she frustrates you, and annoys you, you can't help but still want her around by the end of the day. It's your mother, that's my mother. That's how I feel about you. Yeah, sometimes I want to hit you…" He made a noise somewhere between a chuckle, and a groan. His laughter held no amusement. "Sometimes I want to hit you so hard, that you pass out for a good week. I won't lie, I won't sugar coat it. But I wont ever hit you. If I did I would never forgive myself. But from what's been going on, with the baby and everything, if I stick around here… I will hit you. And like I said I would despise myself for it, and you would despise me for it."

His speech angered her. He wanted to hit her? What happened to the days when she was the only one who gave him comfort, and peace. Now it seems as if she is the reason for all that is wrong in his life. Tears threatened to spill over her cheeks, but she kept that angered face painted across her features. She stood up on her knees and scooted forward towards him on the bed. With his feet planted firmly on the ground. She did not care. She wanted to hit _him_.

"So, if I am such a terrible person to be around, hit me right now" She tried to hold her voice still, it was a very hard thing to do, but she accomplished it.

"Clary-"

"Hit me you fucking pussy!" She shouted.

"You are not interpreting my words correctly." His voice was stoic.

"FUCK YOU!" She yelled and hit him across the face. He seemed to be unmoved b her slap. Her tears finally spilt, as sobs raked her body. "Hit me back!" She yelled.

"No." He whispered.

"Why not!? You said you wanted to hit me, so do it!" She hit him in the chest, once, then twice. She began pounding her fists on him, while he stood and took it.

"For fuck sake hit me!" She screamed, surprisingly he grabbed her, by her upper arms, holding her tightly still. He pushed her backwards on to the bed. He grabbed his bags and began leaving.

"Go!" She yelled down the hallway. "Leave me! Just leave me, leave the girl who you _used _to love."

He froze by the front door at her words; he wanted to go to her, hold her, told her everything was going to be okay. But he knew if he did that, then their relationship would surely end. He needed this break, they both did. For the sake of their son.

He opened the front door, and slowly…. Very slowly… left his house and his sobbing girlfriend… alone.

His siblings were waiting for him patiently upon his arrival like it was a fucking airport. He had no time for this. He wanted to be alone more than anything. He could see that his family wanted to greet him, with a hug, a kiss, or anything. But he walked right past them and down the hall to his old room.

He threw his bags to the corner of his room, and dug through his backpack to find his pills. He read the label, and popped them in his mouth without water. He figured he would lay back and read a book. He pulled out a novel from his old bookshelf and fell on his bed opening it up to the first page.

_In my younger more vulnerable years my father gave me some  
>advice that I've been turning in my head ever since.<br>"Whatever you feel like criticizing any one," he told me,  
>"Just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the<br>advantages that you've had."  
>He didn't say any more, but we've always been unusually<br>communicative in a reserved way, and I understood that he meant  
>a great deal more than that. In consequence, I'm inclined to<br>reserve all judgments, a habit that has opened up many curious  
>natures to me and also made me the victim of not a few veteran<br>bores. The abnormal mind is quick to detect and attach itself to  
>this quality when it appears in a normal person, and so it came<br>about that in college I was unjustly accused of being a politician,  
>because I was privy to the secret griefs of wild, unknown men.<br>Most of the confidents were unsought-frequently I have feigned…  
>sleep… preoccupation… or… a…. host….<em>

Jace's head suddenly felt heavy, his eyes lids were drooping, and it wasn't long before his whole body felt heavier. He dropped the book, which toppled down his torso, off the side of the bed, and onto the wooden floor. _What the hell_? Jace thought to himself. He leant over to the side, to attempt to reach for the bottle of pills. He almost fell over doing it, but he got them. When he tried to read the bottle, the damn thing wouldn't stay still so he could comprehend what was typed across. He brought the bottle right up against his face, and was finally able to read the label.

_Side Effects: Drowsiness, Dizziness, Dry Mouth…_

Jace couldn't read anymore, his body had taken over for him. He dropped the pills, and fell back against his pillow falling into a deep sleep.

_It was summer, the air warm, yet breezes brought small amounts of air conditioning across the green park. Luka's giggles rang through Jace's ears like a lullaby. Clary was holding him above a river, or a creek. She turned and smiled at him. Jace was entranced by her beauty. Her fiery red hair was even brighter in the sub, the wind made it fly poetically around the halo of light above her head. The green in her eyes matched the green in the grass, the trees, and the emerald top she wore. Luka was playing with a frog in the stream, giggling while the frog jumps onto his lap, and allowed Luka to hold it gently in his hands._

_The frog winked at the little boy, and bounced off, landing in the cool crystal water, and swimming down stream. Luka turned away from Clary and to Jace's direction. He was a little older here, about two or three years old. His hair long enough to curl around his ears and his neck. His eyes sparkled of gold; it was like looking into the past for Jace. This was how he looked when he was that young. Suddenly a sense of excitement filled Jace, and he bent at his knees while the boy shouted "Daddy! Daddy!" He ran with his little baby legs towards him, and Jace took into his arms and held him close. _

"_At least I can give you, what I didn't have." Jace whispered into the boy's hair…._

"Jace?" He heard a soft voice from somewhere far, but he ignored it, he was too preoccupied with holding his boy in his arms. "Jace?" Now the voice was louder, and beginning to irritate him.

"Go awayyyy!" Jace groaned from his pillow.

"Jace," Alec said. "Mom just wanted me to tell you that dinner's ready." Jace gently lifted his head, just some ways. And looked at his brother incredulously.

"Dinner?" Alec's eyes adverted away, and back without moving his head.

"Uh… yes Jace… Dinner. You know, food?"

"I know what dinner is!" Jace snapped. "I meant… I swear it was one in the afternoon a minute ago…"

"Yeah, you've been sleeping this whole time. We didn't wake you, because.. well.. because of the way you kind of bitched past us earlier, we figured you didn't really want to be bothered."

"Excellent choice, because I didn't." Alec rolled his eyes, and made it clear he wasn't in the mood for Jace's cranky behavior, but he brushed it off, reminding him of dinner.

"Yeah… sure." Jace sighed, and pushed himself off the bed and followed his brother down the hall towards the kitchen. They both were silent, which Jace preferred. He was hungry and just wanted to eat and go back to bed. He entered the kitchen, Isabelle, Robert, and Maryse were already there and eating away at lemon chicken, spinach and mashed potatoes.

"Jace!" Maryse's voice sounded unusually upbeat. "So glad you've joined us." He just nodded, still feeling drowsy, and out of it due to the medication. A plate was placed in front of him, he thanked whoever it was, he could not see- due to his vision being a little bit clouded. He dug in as if he hadn't eaten in years. Picking away at the chicken with his fingers instead of with a knife and fork. He attacked his dinner without barely saying a word, or making a single noise. While the family talked away, he made no point to pay attention to them while he ate. He was unaware that they would stop to stare in amazement at his eating form.

"Thanks for the dinner, Maryse." Jace said softly, before standing up cleaning off the bones of his plate into the garbage, and then putting it in the dishwasher. He stumbled his way back to his room, where he let himself fall on his bed and fall asleep all over again.

_Another warm day, sand was rubbing between his toes as he helped to build a castle in the sand. Clary was singing, he could not make out the words, but he loved it. She wore a beautiful green bikini. It wrapped around her back, no straps over her shoulders. Her bottoms were tied at the hips, and the bikini shimmered in the sun. The curves that wrapped around her body, was enough to excite him. Her abdomen muscles were so defined from all the years of training. She was so beautiful_

"_Daddy, Daddy!" Luka was next to him, and even older. He looked about five years old, and the resemblance between him and his son was even stronger than before. Jace stared in shock._

"_I wanna go out in the water." He stood up and jumped up and down pointing out to the wild sea. Jace smiled, and picked him up, balancing him on his hip. He gently walked out to the water, Luka shouting in excitement as the waves came in and splashed about them. _

"_Here comes another." Jace said as another wave came crashing in. Luka held onto him tightly. His long curly hair flattening against his head. His smile was bright than the setting sun in front of them. "You okay?" Jace asked him. _

"_Yeah!" He smiled. Jace held him close and kissed his hair when another wave came crashing in, both of them cheering in excitement._

"Jace?" Another voice? "Jace?"

"What!?" He snapped.

"You've been sleeping for three days straight." Isabelle said, her voice full of concern.

"So what?" He mumbled into his pillow.

"So what?!" She shrieked. "Jace you _never_ sleep in, let alone for three days!"

"Isabelle, please…"

"No, I won't leave until, you get up!" She pulled the covers from him. A hidden amount of energy overcame him and he began shouting.

"I have been without sleep for fucking months! So what if I sleep for three fucking days! Fuck off!" He never once has Jace ever seen Isabelle become alarmed by his little outbursts he may have every once in a while, but today he not only saw a stunned Isabelle, he saw tears in her eyes.

"You know what!" She threw the blankets back at him. "Fine, sleep all day every day until you die, no one will fucking miss you, at least not me!" And she stormed out of the room. The medication gave Jae absolutely no strength to get up and follow her, instead he fell asleep again, this time he felt the bed rocking, as if he was on a boat. The sensation was nauseating for him, he almost leant over and let out a pile of vile at the side of the bed, but before he could do that, it receded, and dreams took over again…

_The smell of new paint was always a smell Jace admittedly enjoys. Clary was standing on a ladder while rolling paint over a wall in the living room. Jace had pulled her off the ladder, startling her. She screamed as he held her against him, and he kissed her temple, while she smiled and giggled. "I love you." He whispered to her. She turned to face him, and wrapped her arms around his neck. "That's all I ever wanted to hear from you." She said softly. _

"_Well, then I'll say it over, and over, and over…. I love you, I love you, I love you."_

"_It's good to hear that." She whispered. "Because I thought you didn't anymore."_

_Jace held her close, and tightly, not caring that she was getting paint on his favorite shirt. "I am so sorry." He said in her hair. "I am so sorry." He held him back tightly, but then suddenly tore herself from him. He looked at her in shock, and she pointed to the area in which they kept Luka. _

"_He got out." She said. "Where is he?" _

"_We'll look for him." They split up and ran through the very large house. Jace caught himself thinking why they would buy such a large house. It had many bedrooms, many bathrooms, and so many hallways. He finally found the baby in an upstairs bedroom. Looking the same age he was now. Jace let out a sigh, and entered the room just when the boy starting to lean up against the window. _

"_Hey buddy, where have you been? You're supposed to be in your play area." The boy turned around and giggled at him, it was then that Jace noticed the window was opened, and the child was only leaning on the screen. Something churned in his stomach. "Luka get away from-" Just when Jace was so close to grabbing him, the screen tore out from its clips, and the child fell out the window. _

_Jace shouted running to the window, hearing the baby cry all the way down to his death. He could hear Clary screaming at the top of her lungs as she ran to hold Luka's still form in her arms. Jace's chest caved in, his lungs shrunk, and his throat closed. He couldn't breathe, couldn't even cry, then suddenly he let out a cry so loud that…_

He woke himself up. Someone burst into his room, it was Alec. He had shown up first. He saw his Parabatai sitting up in his bed, covered in sweat and tears. Alec ran to him, and held him in his arms as Jace sobbed uncontrollably against his brother's chest.

"I saw him fall!" Jace cried. "He was dead, Clary held our dead son. And I could've saved him, I could've saved him!"

"Jace!" Alec had to shout to get Jace to stop. "It was just a nightmare, just a nightmare. Luka is okay, you're okay. Just a nightmare."

Jace had finally stopped screaming, but he continued to cry in his brother's arms. Alec rocked him, and stroked his hair, as Jace clung to him. Unaware that the rest of the family was watching. Alec looked at them, and jerked his head forward. Telling him that he could handle it.

"Sshh" Alec cooed. "It's okay, it's okay….."

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><p><strong>Can you guys guess what book Jace was reading? ;) Tell me, and maybe I will try and update Slut Year maybe this week. <strong>

**I know, some of you are freaking out with this story, cause Jace and Clary seem pretty messed up, but remember all couples fight, and sometimes they have some pretty rough fights too. The best couples come out of any fight, regardless. ;) So hang in there.**


	6. Chapter 6

**_IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE BOTTOM, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ!_**

Clary arrived at her parent's house, eager to see her son. She had nothing else to do, she stayed home alone, with no one to talk to, and quite frankly she was too depressed to get out of bed to do anything. With Luka at her mother's the house stayed clean anyways. Not that it mattered; Jace was the clean one, not her.

The moment she entered the living room, she saw her bouncy boy, giggling and smiling away. Clary smiled with excitement and put her arms out to hold the baby tightly. Her mom walked in, wearing only a button up shirt, and sweat pants.

"Oh hi, Clary!" She said, greeting her daughter with a hug. "It's good to see you, and you're looking great."

_Liar_. Clary thought. Although; she did look sincere.

She sat on the sofa with Luka in her arms. She began to make faces at the baby, making him giggle up a storm. While her mother let herself fall in the recliner with a huff. Clary inhaled the scent of Luke's apartment, she almost wanted to move back in, and be the girl she used to be. The way it was before the baby was born, when Jace was her teenage boyfriend, and they didn't have to be adults. Then she thought about how terrible of a mother she was for thinking such a thing, and tears swelled up behind her eyes like cupcakes.

"Clary?" Her mother sat up straighter in her chair. "What's wrong?"

"I am a terrible mother." Clary cried and held Luka against her.

"Oh no, of course not." Jocelyn came over and sat next to Clary, she brought up her hand and stroked her hair. The familiar feeling relaxed Clary, she missed this. Then she remembered that she couldn't be like this anymore, there was no time to be a little girl anymore.

"Mom, that's not helping!" Clary swatted her hand away and just placed Luka gently on the floor and watched him crawl away until he reached a toy. She watched him pick it up and begin sucking on it. Jocelyn chuckled beside her.

"What do you mean, it's not helping. It sure looked like it was helping." Clary rolled her eyes, and sighed sadly.

"I am not a little girl anymore, so I guess it's time to act like it."

"Clary, you're never too old for your mother." She began to stroke her hair again. "And you're certainly not a bad mother. Every relationship goes through its rocky times."

"You would know." Clary muttered without thinking. She turned to face her mother, with a hand slapped over her mouth, and eyes widened in horror. Her mother looked wounded by the comment. Who could blame her? Clary wished she could take it back. She sat still, waiting for her mother's wrath, it felt like forever when Jocelyn finally said something, even though it was only about a minute or so. Jocelyn softly closed her eyes, and inhaled, then exhaled slowly.

"You're right to be bitter towards me." Jocelyn said. "I wasn't being fair, not even a little. When Jace stopped by-"

Clary's heart fluttered. "Jace stopped by… Here!?" Jocelyn nodded. "Why was he here?"

"Why, to see Luka of course. He has become really great with him, Clary. The whole time he was here, every ounce of his attention was on his son." Jocelyn smiled. "I was wrong about him. He isn't so bad." Clary remembered when she didn't want anything in world other than for her mother to accept Jace, now she was almost resentful that of all times for her to decide to like him, he had left her. As if reading her mind, Jocelyn suddenly sighed, and picked up the baby from the floor.

"Look at your son, Clarissa." She said while sitting down. "Look at his eyes, his hair, his smile." Clary turned look at her son, smiling when he grinned so big that drool fell from his mouth. "They all belong to, Jace." Jocelyn said. "The father of your son." Clary gently took Luka from her and snuggled him.

"You can't hold a grudge against him for having these sort of problems, Clary. You also can't expect him to _only_ ever feel at home with you. There are times I want to choke Luke to death, you know." She chuckled. "But I don't because I love him. I am sure he feels the same way towards me a lot of the time. It's inevitable Clary. It's part of marriage, and family."

"But we're not married." Clary countered.

"You might as well be… you live together, have a child together, and have _been_ together for a few years. Emotionally, you both are married. You can't get frustrated and give up, over one fight." Clary huffed.

"We've had _many_ fights, and _this_ isn't a _fight_, it's much worse!" Tears flowed down her face. She missed the old them, the old Jace, and the more she missed it, the more she felt further away from her own child. "He told the baby, that he hated it, because I loved him more. He hates the baby for taking me away from him. Is that normal?"

"He doesn't hate the baby, Clarissa. I was here with him when he was here. I watched him hold him, make him laugh, I even watch Luka call out to him. It was beautiful." Clary's head turned.

"What do you mean… _call out_ to him?" Jocelyn's face dropped.

"He didn't tell you? He said his first word…. _Daddy._"

Clary left her mother's house feeling jealous, angry, and betrayed. How dare Jace not tell her that their son spoke for the first time? And why call for the parent who did not want him? She frantically unlocked the door to her house, and walked in, only to scream at the top of her lungs out of fright.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Simon put his hands up. "It's only me, I came by to check on you, since I haven't heard from you and all." He came up and gave her a hug. Clary relaxed and put down her bag, before going into the kitchen for something to drink.

"So where did you go today?"

"I went to the park, and tried to draw, but couldn't. Then I went to my mother's to see my son. He's getting big" She sat down at the table with her water, and stared at it blankly. "I need to fix my family." She said, mostly to herself. "I have missed so much. He's talking, now." She looked up at her friend with sad eyes.

"Oh Clary," Simon pulled a chair out to sit in front of her. "I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I thought it was best for the baby if he wasn't around you guys. I also didn't expect Jace to want to separate." Simon looked down into his hands, twiddling his thumbs. Clary's hand gently caressed them.

"It's not your fault Si, you did the right thing. I didn't think Jace would leave either." _The therapist suggested it_. She remembered. _He didn't really leave you._ The voice in her head told her. _You are just trying to find someone to blame._ She shook her head, refusing to believe that. Simon chuckled.

"You always did that."

"Did what?" She opened her eyes, taking a small sip of her water.

"Go off into your own world, as if arguing with yourself." _He knows you too well._ She laughed a little more loudly than she had wanted to. She brought a hand up to cover her mouth immediately, when Simon took it.

"You deserve better." He whispered. _Jace deserves better_. Jesus what the hell was up with her conscience? Why was it sticking up for Jace? Simon leaned in, and she felt his lips soft on hers. It wasn't familiar, almost absent. Jace immediately flooded her thoughts; the way he kissed her was different. Then she immediately felt guilty for thinking of Jace while another man kissed her. She pulled away, squeezing her eyes shut.

"I am so sorry, Clary."

But she kissed him back, not because she wanted to, but because she missed this feeling. The feeling of someone paying attention to her, of kissing her, and loving her. The kiss still felt distant to her, like forcing a puzzle piece to fit, just because you couldn't find the right one. But she forced herself to enjoy it. She wrapped her arms around Simon's neck, and he excitingly responded. Then suddenly everything shattered, the black pit that was in her stomach had deepened and made her sick. Her body felt shallow where her heart should be, when she saw a pair gold eyes watching her from the doorway.

"Jace…" She expected him to grab Simon, to beat him to a bloody pulp. I was expecting to defend Simon, to make sure Jace didn't kill him, but what happened wasn't what she expected. He swallowed, as if trying to speak, but something in his through choked him of words. She could see his eyes get glossy, before turning around and walking out. She stood up quickly to go after him.

Why was he here?

Oh God, he finally wanted to talk, and she fucked it up by kissing someone else. She knew it, she just knew it.

"Jace place wait!" She called, as he got closer to the car, with his keys in his hand. Ready to rev the engine, and speed away. She finally caught up to him, grabbing his shirt, and not letting go. But he swung around and tore his shirt from her grasp.

"Go fuck yourself!" His voice was loud, and it would've been almost frightening if it weren't for the part where it cracked at the word "Fuck". He was fighting his tears, holding the sobs at the back of his throat, and forcing the fluid to stay behind his eyes.

… _and the boy never cried again_.

Until now… She had been the one to do this to him. Jace was gone before she could comprehend that she single handedly destroyed her family. Simon caught up to her, and she didn't even notice. She fell to her knees and sobbed. She had ruined everything.

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><p><em><strong>I know you guys hate reading these, and I do expect you guys to ignore this, but I am trying anyways<strong>_

_**Yup, I am back, and I am trying. I won't be updating again for a couple of weeks, I have 2 poems due, a short story, and a argument paper... and it's based on GeoPolitics so it won't be an easy write. :( sorry. Also Sorry this is also short, it is NOT like me to post short chapters, those who have followed my stories in the past know this. But I didn't want to keep you guys waiting on every single story. Also it made sense to end the chapter here. So DON'T hate me please. Sorry for the length, and the Cliffhanger...**_

_**Let me just say this was NOT the original turn of events for this story. Like I said in the Author's note of my new story Bless the Child, I wrote all kinds of chapters for this, and I lost it with my old computer that died, and that's why it took me so long to update, I was incredibly depressed that I lost what I had worked so hard on. And I mean I REALLY worked hard on it, had it edited, and even kept going back, and adding things, subtracting things, like you would a REAL story! That's why I was so depressed for so long after I lost all my stories, and I just couldn't bring myself to write more, before I had already written such great additions. **_**_Truthfully, I am still not quite happy with this chapter, it doesn't even come CLOSE to what I had originally written, EVEN THOUGH, I wasn't originally going to have this story take this path. The reasons why I took this path with this story? I have seen A LOT of "Jace cheats on Clary" stories, and NOT to be mean AT ALL towards the authors who write them, PLEASE don't take this the wrong way, but it's getting incredibly annoying that most of the CLACE stories on here are "Jace cheats on Clary" Now I DO NOT want to sound like I am superior because I am older or anything, because I am NOT. I am only 25 years old, that doesn't exactly make me Gandalf or Yoda here, but I can at least give some advice and information, as well as honesty... I feel a lot of young girls are mislead by the media these days... _**

**_"Men cheat, men are pigs, men are dogs, men are disrespectful" Most of this comes from those "Teen Mom" and "16 and Pregnant" **_shows._**_**

**_**_I feel the media makes a lot of young women very sexist. I am NOT at all saying that men never cheat, oh no... I am saying both men and women do it. it's not just a "Guy-Thing"._**_****_**_There are plenty of women who have cheated. As a matter of fact, most of the girls I know have cheated on their boyfriends at least once. Me not being one of them. I don't believe in cheating, not even a little. I don't even like writing it, because I just find no interest in cheating. I feel most movies, and TV Shows use it just for drama when they can't think of anything else to write. They always throw in the infidelities in situations that seem WAY out of character for the person committing the infidelity. Like writing myself into the story and suddenly having me cheat is just not something I would do. I know I am a real person, but you have to _**treat your characters like real people or else they'll never pop off the page. I am writing it in this story, because I want to write about the "Common Gender Roles"_**

**_Almost every story lately has Jace inflicting the hurt on to Clary. Jace says all the wrong things, Jace starts all the fights, Jace insults Clary, Jace cheats on Clary. It has been a VERY long time since I have seen a story where Clary has inflict any pain of any kind on to Jace. I don't think people mean to be sexist, sometimes I think we all do it out of habit, but I do think a lot of us are being sub-consciencely sexist. I have grown up watching my uncle be emotionally and physically abused by his ex-wife in the past. So I know that men can get just as damaged by women, as women can by men. _**

**_My last argument, or more like a question... why is everyone assuming only Jace is capable of committing such hurt? The truth is everyone is capable. Not just Jace, but Clary, Simon, Magnus, me and you too. I think a lot of people assume that just because Jace was a "Ladies-Man" before he met Clary that it automatically makes him a "Player" which makes him MORE CAPABLE of committing an Infidelity than Clary. First off, there is a difference between a player and a manwhore. A player is a guy who will sleep around without telling any of the girls he's with that he's married, or has a girlfriend... or that he's fucking five women at once. He will probably refuse to use a condom, because sex with condoms doesn't feel as good, that's true, he won't care if he gives you an STD or an STI._**

**_ A MANWHORE is honest from the start. _****_"This is strictly sex! No strings attached! I am having meaningless sex with other girls too, just because I picked you tonight does not make you any special or different than the next or last girl." _****_Most Manwhore's use protection, they don't care if you say you're on the pill, they're careful, they don't want Gonnorhea, and they don't want babies. MOST men are generally manwhore's through their early 20s, and then eventually they get sick of being emotionally detached and settle down. THIS is also a women thing to. I got the idea for the story SLUT YEAR, from a friend who is in fact a GIRL, who just wanted to take a year to have as much sex with as much guys as possible. I personally think that's gross, but I don't judge. She is still my friend, and has some of the best personalities around. _**

**_**_Jace WAS a "manwhore" for psychological reasons. he is a child abuse case. Emotional attachments are extremely difficult for people like him. They have been emotionally damaged, so they avoid emotional attachments to not get hurt. Then when they finally DO make an emotional attachment, like Jace did with Clary, they cling to it, like they can't live without it. I feel Clary (character-wise) is much more capable of hurting Jace or cheating on Jace than he is to her. (Personally I don't see either of them doing it, but if it were to happen...) Clary doesn't have any sexual experience, or boyfriend experience outside of Jace. Simon doesn't count because it was awkward and weird. They kissed twice... that was it. Clary kissed Jace BEHIND SIMON'S BACK, more than she kissed Simon when she was with him. She strung both of them along, hurting the both of them A LOT in the first 2 books. The fact that she has no experience makes her prone to want to get more _**experience. It's actually quite normal. While Jace has had plenty of experience, he's had his fun already, so he's burnt out. Clary on the other hand could suddenly want to know what the difference is between Jace and some other guy. Which in turn would destroy Jace. _**

**_I'm sorry if this makes me sound like an know-it-all bitch. I really really REALLY do not mean to come off that way, I am just trying to make some people understand. I focus all my stories on Jace because he is my favorite character NOT JUST BECAUSE he's sexy and funny, but I LOVE exploring his psyche. Psychology is my forte and minor in college, it is EXTREMELY interesting to me. I mean, I solve the murders while watching Criminal Minds, before the episodes barely start LOL. I don't think any of the other characters have an interesting psyche as Jace does. EXCEPT for Magnus, which I have an idea brewing for him and Alec soon. Sebastian is kind of fun, but not as fun as Jace. Sebastian isn't human both physically and emotionally. There's nothing but darkness inside him, and I think he will be EXTREMELY fun to write in Bless the Child, but he won't be a main character, because he doesn't have an octagon character like Jace and Magnus do..._**

**_I mean, c'mon I am HIGHLY interested in Serial Killers, Albert Fish sparking my interest the most. MAN, that dude was fucked up! lol Sorry for the long Author's Note, I'll understand if no one reads it, I sometimes skip past them too to be honest. I just love getting the story that I go straight to reading :) but I just had to get this out, regardless of whether or not people read it. Thanks if you do. Thanks for reading my stories too. I hope I didn't lose my readers. I feel I have betrayed you guys terrible, and I am deeply sorry for that. I will not give up on writing. It was just hard to get back on the horse again _**


	7. Chapter 7

_**So in regards to my Author's Note last chapter. I just want to make it clear that I hope I didn't come on too strong. I was really only ranting. And I really really didn't expect anyone to read it because it was so long lol. I mostly hoped people would read the first part which explained why I took to so long to update. So If I did offend anyone, I am sorry. It really was not my intent to make people think I was judging them in any way, just wanted to get my point across, and to let you guys know how much I love Jace, and why I love Jace. So again, I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression of me, Sorry if you did. So the next chapter is here. I hope you guys like it. I am going to try and finish this story first, and then get started on one of the other old ones. I haven't decided which one I will start first. it's a hard decision. Hmmmm. **_

_**Be patient with me when it comes to the other stories. I have severe writers block with them and I LOVE them to much to just stop. I will be rewriting them and reposting them, and yes I do suggest you look out for them, because I expect them to be pretty different than the originals. Same general plot, just different scene/action. **_

* * *

><p>Simon followed her back into the house, ignoring her distress by only aggravating it further. She rushed her hands through the red locks upon her head, slightly pulling at the back, while squeezing her eyes shut.<p>

"Clary? Clary? Are you hearing me?" he put his hands on her shoulders, this somehow woke her from despair. She pushed him away, making him fall back against the wall. She knew it was wrong to blame him, she knew with every fiber in her being, but what human being doesn't find something to blame for its unfortunate happenings? Simon looked baffled, he stared at her, his face astonished, almost as if he could not believe what was happening.

"What the hell?" He shouted. Standing straight, and getting closer, almost trying to prove something.

"This is your fault." She cried, while storming away, she entered the kitchen and appeared to be completely disoriented. She opened the fridge, took out a carton of orange juice. She closed it, to rush back across the kitchen and open a cabinet and pull out a mug. She slammed the door shut, and reopened the fridge, only to slam it again. She whimpered and brought her hands to her forehead, she felt flushed, almost ready to faint. But she didn't faint.

"How is this _my_ fault? You kissed me back!" He shouted, and it seemed as though it got her to focus. She let out another whimper, as she slowly approached him. He couldn't remember a time when Clary looked so anxious, as if she was losing her mind. Her eyes moved everywhere, but on him. Her hair was a mess, and her face was dirty with tears, and smeared mascara. She shoved him again; she appeared to be losing her strength. The first time she shoved him away it was with much force, but now when she tried, it seemed as though she put as much effort into it as possible, but a wall of some sort stopped her strength short.

"I didn't _want_ you!" She exclaimed, tears still falling down her face. "I just needed to forget! I just wanted to feel loved again! I didn't _really_ want _you_! I imagined you to be Jace! I imagined his hands on me, and his hair as your hair, and his lips as yours. But it wasn't him, it was _you_! It was the biggest disappointment when I opened my eyes and realized who it was that I was kissing! And Jace _saw_. He hates me now!" She broke down in sobs, and absently found a chair not far from where she stood, and fell into it.

"You used me?" Simon almost gasped. There was a part of him that had the deepest sympathies for her actions, but the fact that she used him over clouded his mind. His best friend since he was a child had betrayed him more harshly than anyone in his life. She only kissed him, because she missed Jace? He had hoped that deep down she did have feelings for him. Like it would be one of those Nicolas Sparks stories where the girl suddenly realizes her love years down the road. It would take aging, maturing, and experience for the girl in his book to finally turn and see only him in the world. But even now after everything she only saw Jace in her world, and it hurt terribly.

He also surprised himself; he had assumed he had gotten over Clary. What he did was unexpected on his own accord. He cared for Isabelle, he knew and established that. Why had he kissed Clary? He realized that his subconscious had not forgotten his love for her. He was still in love with Clary, and for that he hated himself. He began to mentally pray Clary would not tell Isabelle, than he realized. Clary didn't have to; Jace was on his way home in a rush of anger. Isabelle was bound to learn why Jace was in the state he was in. What had he done?

"I can't believe you, Clary!?" Simon shouted at her. Now it was his turn to take his anguish out on something or someone. "You have led me on for years! And yet here you are still pining for you precious Golden Angel!"

"Led you on?! I never- Do you not care, that wherever he is, that he is deeply hurt?" She countered, still hysterical.

"No!" He surprised her with his honesty. "I don't! I don't care about him, I _hate _him. For the hundredth-thousandth time I _hate_ that piece of shit! He has done _nothing_ for you! He ignored his own child, he treated you like shit since Luca was born, and yet here you are…" he was hysterical now, laughing without humor, and nearly ripping his hair from his scalp. "You are _still_ pinning over him like a lost puppy! You know, I used to think you were different, better than those other girls, but you're just like them! You stay with the same piece of shit, who _treats_ you like a piece of shit! Why?! I don't understand WHY? Why stay with him!?" Clary went to respond, but Simon laughed, cutting her off from words. "Oh, let me guess, don't tell me, you _love_ him, right? Well, _I_ love you, what makes me different from him, aside from the fact that I wouldn't abandon my family, and emotionally abuse the mother of my child! Why not me!?" He yelled so loud, that Clary flinched, not because she was afraid of him at all, but because she was afraid the neighbors would hear and call the police.

Clary watched Simon have his own mental breakdown, and despite the fact that she knew from the moment she turned around from the driveway that she should not blame Simon. She knew when she marched back in the house with Simon on her heels. She knew the moment she locked lips with him that she should not blame him. She knew now, that she was wrong in many of her actions. But despite all that his words angered her. She had the strongest urge to scream and throw things at him. She wanted to strangle the words that left his throat. She wanted him to suffer for saying such horrible things about Jace. That's when it dawned on her.

She would be lying if she said she didn't hate herself for not loving Simon the way he wanted her to. She honestly, could not explain why, in full detail, she chose Jace. Now she found her answer. She did love Simon, as friend of course, and she would never stop loving him. He could hate her, and never dark on her doorstep again, and she'd still love him. But she realized that he was not always the person she thought he was. Her whole life she thought Simon to be humble, caring, and kind. She could picture him homing innocent lost children. She saw him befriending someone like Jace, who was as lost and alone as it gets.

But Simon was none of those things. He wasn't a terrible, evil person. Angel no! But he was not perfect. Who was? But that was not the point. The judgments he just made on Jace were all based on things he only saw on the surface. She had spent countless times with Jace. He wasn't abusive, and he _did_ love his son. Jace has just always had a problem that didn't spike until now. The Therapist even said it. The birth of children often induced psychological problems in people. Jace was one of them. He was incredibly scarred as a child, and he suffered from a mental illness.

The anger inside her rose to its limits. And she stood from her chair, staring darkly into Simon's eyes. "You insult my family?" She laughed. "What makes you think you would be a better father than Jace? If I remember correctly you were a controlling boyfriend."

"What?" He gasped. "What the fu- I was _never_ controlling!"

"Oh, yes you were." She nodded. "When I thought Jace was my brother, you wanted me to stay away from him. Despite the fact that- if I was, he needed me, his _only_ family. But if you had your way, you'd handcuff me to anything that would keep me from him."

"Because I knew about his feelings for you!" He shrieked, losing his temper. "I didn't trust him!"

"Or!" She stopped him. "You didn't trust me…" Simon's tongue was caught in his throat. He tried to swallow it, to get it to slip away. His thoughts jumped to the fact that she betrayed Jace just now, with him. Maybe he didn't trust her. Maybe he never could when it came to love. "You also didn't agree with me embracing what I am. A Shadowhunter, a Nephilim. You hated it. You constantly criticized Isabelle, Alec, and Jace for being judgmental against Mundanes."

She took a breath.

"You were right," Her voice softened, only to become as sharp as ice soon enough. "They were wrong, but you're a hypocrite. You hated them for what they were. You despised them. I remember, when Luke gave me my mother's stele, you were cold about it. You wanted me to be the image you painted me to be. And you _hated_ to realize that for once I had a personality that wasn't entirely matching your own. Jace didn't treat me that way. Jace embraced my strength. When he would hug me, he hugged me with such force, because he knew that it took a lot for me to break. But you treated me like I was fragile, like I couldn't even handle training, or protecting my mother. Instead of turning _my _nose to Jace, I taught him, I taught him that humans can be just as strong without Angelic blood, without any physical training. He saw the strength in me despite how small I was, or how ordinary." A tear slipped down her face, and she sniffed it back, her nose making wet noises.

"How dare you judge my family, maybe you're right about Jace, maybe not, but insulting him means you insult my _child_! And Luca did _nothing_. I have been alone with Jace, I have seen his strength in love. I have seen whom he is deep inside. You don't know him. You don't know anything about him!" She sniffed again, and wiped her nose with her sleeve like a four-year-old. "Now get out of my house!"

Simon glared at her, both of them silent for what felt like forever, but it was only a minute or so. She was about to scream for him to leave, when he finally turned on his heal, and walked out her front door like a human. Clary took a deep breath. The things she said; they were horrible, she knew that, but she felt she needed to say those things. She still loved him, and she hoped deep down that they would soon forget about all of this and move on, becoming good friends again. Not that it'll ever be the same again. She realized she needed to speak with Jace, but now was not the time. Wherever Jace was, he was too worked up to even look at her, and she was the same. She slowly walked to her bedroom, crawled under the covers, and let herself drift off to sleep. Hoping to sleep away the anxiety in her muscles.

* * *

><p>"Why, Clarissa I won't be expecting you and Jace for another week now." Dr. Bartel said while standing in her doorway. Her hair was in her usual messy bun, with her black-rimmed glasses sitting at the edge of her nose.<p>

"I know, but I need to talk to you." Clary caught herself begging, which gave her a small sort of surprise. But she was desperate. She needed the advice from a professional.

"Just you?" She asked. Clary nodded.

"Just me." Dr. Bartel nodded and let her in, gently closing the door. She offered to take Clary's coat, but for some reason it made Clary feel safe, she shook her head, hugging it tighter to her body. Dr. Bartel nodded, almost like she already knew why. They both entered the usual living room, while a man called from the stairs.

"Who is it, babe?"

"A client. Do you mind letting us have some privacy, sweetie?" She asked politely, but Clary felt like Dr. Bartel was slightly nervous. When she locked a gaze with the man, whom was Bartel's husband, she saw he was tall, very thin, and blonde. His eyes blue and his hair line was receding back on his forehead. She wondered how old he was. Dr. Bartel seemed young, maybe twenty-eight or thirty, her husband looked somewhat older. Maybe thirty-five, or thirty-eight. The man smiled at the both of them, nodding once, before ascending the stairs.

"Now worries, I'll be in my office." He said as he slowly disappeared. Dr. Bartel called back with agreement, then turned to Clary.

"I apologize if this is not private enough for you. If you wish we can go in another room where we would have more privacy or even leave and go elsewhere."

"No!" Clary rushly announced. "I am intruding enough as it is. You weren't even expecting me. And to be honest, I don't even mind if he hears. I did something horrible, and I deserve judgment." Kristen Bartel pressed her lips together, and laced her fingers with her own. She wasn't even necessarily dressed for the occasion. She wore a long sleeved black and white striped shirt, and black capri pants with white tennis shoes.

"Of course, but it is unprofessional of me."

"Honestly," Clary stopped her. "If you want a recording of me agreeing to this setting, I'll do it. I'll even swear on the Bible, while you also record that. I am desperate, so I mean it when I say I do not mind."

Bartel chuckled, and placed a hand on Clary's shoulder. "None of that will be necessary, come along, tell me what is eating you." Clary let lose on everything. How she felt about the separation, and how much she missed Jace. She told her about her cheating, about Jace's reaction. She did not intend to tell her about her argument with Simon, she actually felt it was irrelevant.

"What should I do? I don't mean to go to you as if you were God, or something. I mean it when I say that I want a professional's opinion."

"Well," Dr. Bartel started, her one leg swung over the over, her hands clasped over her knee. "The only thing you can do is take it one step at a time. You can't rush it, he is deeply hurt right now, and he is not going to heal overnight…." She paused. "He may never heal from it." That's not exactly what Clary wanted to hear, she was kidding herself if she expected anything less. Clary leaned forward, burying her face in her hands.

"I was so stupid, so selfish!"

If Kristen said she didn't feel a small amount of disgust for the girl, she'd be a down right dirty liar. But her job had required work. She could not get personally involved and let her emotions run rabid. Of all times for Clarissa to cheat, she chose a time when her loved one was the weakest. Kristen read Jace like an open book. He was much more sensitive than he let on, he was a boy brought on by a lot of troubles in his childhood. Which was common in cases of child abuse, especially with boys. They hold it all in, and it explodes all at once, which is never healthy, but hardly avoidable. He was intelligent, and that also plays a role in an ultimate demise. There's the saying that there is a "fine line between intelligence and insanity" those who are incredibly intelligent end up being societie's sociopaths, or the ones who crack under pressure. Jace was the latter.

Of course, any person under pressure will crack.

And she was afraid Clary may have pushed Jace to that point. She made a note to call him when this session was over. To check on him, and make sure he was okay. She understood for the most part. Clary was lost, stressed, too young to be handling this much anxiety. Not that there haven't been children this young with the same problems, and not that Clary was an ordinary nineteen-year-old girl either. However, just because someone has taken up a lot on their shoulders at a young age, and pulled through does not mean they are superhuman and can handle anything. Clary _is_ only human, and she deserves to be seen as such.

"I don't want him to think I don't love him." She cried. "I do so much. I didn't even want to kiss Simon, I just… I just miss the contact. Jace hasn't touched me in so long, that I was afraid I was going to burst." Clary paused, and sucked in a breath, and exhaled very slowly. "I guess I did burst, huh." Kristen nodded.

"The best you can do is show him you love him. And the best I can do is to tell you to be patient. I can't force him, nor even talk him into trusting you again. I am not a miracle worker, Clary. I am a Therapist, a Psychologist. I do the best I can with what my abilities offer. I give you my insight, my medical perspective, as well as my psychological perspective. I give advice, and solutions, it does not always mean that it's the answer, or that it'll even work if it IS the answer. The best I can do on his part is give him another perspective, your perspective. But at the moment it doesn't matter what I say, what you say, or even what God himself says, his emotions are going awol at the moment. It'll start out as depression, regret, and self doubt. Then it'll progress to resentment, anger… eventually- possibly… hatred."

Clary gasped at the last word escaping Kristen's lips. Could Jace possibly _hate_ her? But it was only a kiss, it wasn't like she slept with Simon. She knows she would have _never_ gone that far. She almost broke down in tears at Kristen's words. She felt something soft at her fingertips and realized Kristen was trying to hand her a tissue.

"I didn't mean to frighten you. When I say hatred, I don't mean that his love for you will burn out. It isn't that easy to get rid of love. We can be hurt many times by the same person who should be the last person to hurt you, a parent, perhaps. And yet, it doesn't matter how much they hurt you, you can't stop the love, which probably makes the hurt much more severe." Kristen spoke as softly as she possibly could, leaning her elbows on her thighs, almost trying to get closer. "That's why some people beg the forces of nature to remove the love, to help make it easier."

Clary's thoughts went straight to Jace. He still loved Valentine even after all the abuse, and emotional torture. He still loved him, even when he almost brought the blade down upon her head. He still loved Valentine when he got kicked out of the Institute, he still loved him despite everything. But at the same time, Jace hated him, hated him for tearing her and Jace apart, hated him for the abuse, hated him for the neglect, and the insanity. But one thing was a fact, Jace didn't love Valentine like he loved the Lightwoods, or Clary. He'd die for them, sacrifice anything for them. Not Valentine, he wouldn't sacrifice a thing for him, and now she feared that Jace would place her on the same shelf that he placed Valentine. What had she done?

"But if it were that easy, it would be more simpler" Kristen continued. "But also much less magical.

* * *

><p>It didn't take long before Isabelle somehow found out Clary was in the institute, she had chased her down like a dog following its scent. Clary had been slammed against the wall, her spine radiated up to her skull, but she fought the reaction to the pain. Something she had obviously learned from Jace.<p>

"What the fuck!?" Isabelle shouted. "You can't be here!" She shoved her again; it was like Isabelle was trying to blast her through the wall. "Seeing you will only make him worse!" Clary went to gently squeeze out from her grasp, but Iz slammed her again. "You complained about him like a bratty child, and then you do this? You are the only person who got him to love again, and you threw it in his face!"

"Isabelle, that is enough!" Alec came out of nowhere, and took Clary by surprised, she had expected him to be the one to drill her a new asshole. Instead he was pulling Isabelle off of her, lecturing her time and time again.

"This is between Jace and Clary."

"What!? She destroyed your best friend! Your Parabatai, and you're sticking up for her?"

"I am not sticking up for anyone, especially Clary." Alec's eyes finally landed on Clary, and they were not kind. She could feel her skin crawl, so much for thinking he was on her side. Not that she believed that she deserved any allies at the moment, but it would at least feel nice.

"But," Alec continued, bringing his gaze back to Isabelle. "You can't go around attacking her. It's not exactly the answer either. You let them fight their own battles." Iz ripped her arm out from his grasp, and backed away.

"What the fuck ever." She grunted under her breath and stormed away, but not before glaring at Clary one last time. Alec turned to Clary who was still leaning up against the wall. She watched him closely; almost worried he'd strike her. It's not like he hasn't done it before. Back when he shoved Clary so swiftly against the wall that the back of her skull bounced painfully.

"Listen to me, Clary." He pointed a finger in her face. "You fucked up, and I can tell that you _know_ you fucked up. But when you go in there, don't fucking make it worse. Izzy's right, that_ is_ my best friend in there, my brother and Parabatai, and don't think I am standing up for you in any way. Because I am not, but insulting you, and attacking you like Izzy just did, will also hurt my brother. So I won't."

"Thanks Alec." Clary whispered softly.

"Don't thank me yet." And just like that Alec walked away, disappearing within the distance down the corridor.

Clary pushed herself off the wall, and slowly made her way down to Jace's old room. The door was shut; she assumed it to be locked. She became frightened that if he knew that it was her he'd send her away, but invading on his privacy worried her too, but she needed this chance. She placed her hand on the knob, turning it carefully and slowly, no budge. It was locked, just like she had suspected. She drew out her stele pressing it against the door, hoping to think of something that was not as nearly as strong as "_Open_" instead the word "Seek" entered her mind, and she began to draw. She heard the latch of the lock turn. She gasped, hoping it didn't alert Jace on the other side. Angel knows that his hearing is nearly just as sensitive as Luke's. She turned the knob as silently as she could. She was not prepared for the sight.

Papers were strewn all over the floor. The fireplace was going, and she could see the remnants of burnt paper within it. The ashes floated out into the air, the red and gold of the light slowly fading about them, until the ash somehow faded from her eye. There was Jace, sitting on the floor, ripping page, after page from a book.

"Don't be so quiet…" His whisper echoed to her ears. "You think I didn't already know you were standing outside that door before you ungraciously unlocked it?"

"Jace.."

"I hate these books." He stopped her, while ripping out a page. "Love stories are bullshit." Another page. "None of this is real." Another page

"Jace.." She whispered again, fully entering the bedroom, and gently shutting the door behind her.

"What the fuck you doing here, Clarissa?" He said, putting down the book and standing up. Clary flinched at him using her birth name. He never called her Clarissa before. His voice was sounding more human with age. She wasn't sure if it was because of the human accents of New York got to him, or if he was desperately trying to bury his past by completely eradicating the accent of his homeland. Not that she ever sensed a strong one, but she assumed the latter. He hasn't shaved. He had never gone this long without shaving. She now knows that his facial hair is darker than the hair on his head. Not black, but darker. She couldn't help but find it attractive. But now was not the time to be thinking such things."

"I wanted to talk…"

"Talk…?" Jace smiled, but it didn't meet his eyes.

"Isabelle-"

"Hates you?" He jumped ahead of her words. "Ah, that's an understatement. I didn't tell her about you and Simon though." Clary's eyes popped.

"You didn't? Then how did she-"

"I never said who you were with. Just that I walked in on it. You can tell that Satanic-Blood-Sucker 'You're fucking welcome!'" He wore only a white t-shirt that clung to his muscles, a pair of blue jeans and bear-foot. "Not that he deserves it," Jace continues. "Not only did I get stabbed in the back, but so did my sister." Clary internally winced at that one.

"Jace." She forced her voice to be firm. "Please, can we be civil, okay?"

"Fine." He sat down in his armchair. The same chair he sat in when he held that small piece of the portal in his hand. The same piece that he squeezed tight in his palm until red dripped down his wrist. When he declared that the family ring meant nothing to him.

"Jace, I'm sorry okay. I am sorry, I didn't mean to kiss Simon."

"Didn't mean to? Hm, when I came in it seemed as though you were really into it, you were practically in his fucking lap!" He began shouting, and stood up.

"I meant that-"

"You know what, I get it. I do. But instead of fucking going around behind my back, maybe a fucking phone call or a-"

"What!?" She stood closer to him, almost trying to seem taller, not that she succeeded. "You left me! That stupid therapist said to separate and you agreed. How do you think it made me feel, knowing that you didn't want to be with me!? Did _you_ date? I bet you saw girls all the time!" Jace's eyes bugged out from his head, she saw his face twitch and the vein in his throat rise.

"I didn't fucking _leave_ you! She suggested it, and I thought it was a good idea. I fucking _never_ even looked at another girl. I sleep twenty-four-seven because of this stupid fucking medication! I just wanted a break, that doesn't fucking translate to: that I wanted to break up with you! It's normal Clarissa, couples do it all the fucking time! I just wanted a few nights rest!"

"But you didn't even think to talk about it with me!" She was crying now, she wanted to slam her hands on his chest.

"Because I can't talk to you anymore! I tried, and you went fucking psycho on me! You think you're better than me! Both you and your psychotic, stuck up, bitch of a mother! I don't hold the baby right, I don't feed him correctly, I change his diaper too roughly, no wonder why I hated him at first, it was because of _you_!"

Clary jumped back as if he slapped her. Bullshit, he hated Luca the moment he was born. She had nothing to do with his feelings for the baby. "Yeah? When were you going to tell me the baby said his first word, Jace? I am his mother I have the right to know that!"

Jace's hands went straight to his hair, he pulled it back as he let out a growl. "After everything that happened I forgot. Sorry but a lot has been on my mind lately, ya think!?"

"Me too, Jace! You're not the only one in this relationship!"

"Sometimes I wish I was, it'd be easier to shut your ass up!" Without even thinking her hand came up and made hard contact across his face. His head turned to the side, a red handprint already beginning to appear. He turned his face back towards her, his golden eyes smouldering.

"What are you going to do?" She asked, her voice deadly calm. "Hit me back? Go on, I dare you. You will never see Luca again."

"Oh…" Jace chuckled, his humor absent. "It's alright for you to hit me, but if I hit you _then_ it's domestic violence." He laughed again. "You're not worth the trouble it would take to hit you." He got closer to her, while she slowly backed away. With each step he took forward, she took one step back. "You betrayed me when you got pregnant. I told you I didn't want children, and you got pregnant anyways. How is that fair? You never even tried to talk me into children, you didn't take your pill, and how's that? You're pregnant! Women are always talking shit about choice, and the right to a choice. What about me? Don't I get a choice? Why the fuck isn't their birth control for men? I told you that I only wanted _you_. The love of my life. Then you became pregnant. And now I do love baby." His eyes were soaked in tears, they poured out over his cheeks like running water. Clary was now backed up against the wall, with him still raging on.

"You know why I love him now? Because when I held him he smiled, when I talked to him he would smile. I can't remember the last time you even smiled at me. Ever since you got pregnant you stopped loving me. You became like every girl, not _my_ girl."

Simon's words echoed in her head. _"I used to think you were different, better than those other girls, but you're just like them!_"

Jace was sobbing now, he had fallen to his knees sobbing like a child. Tears filled her own eyes as her fingers ran through his gold curls, the familiar silk made her want to sigh. She slowly bent down to his level, his eyes directed at the floor between them, not daring to look at her.

"Then I saw you with Simon, and I knew you didn't love me anymore." He squeezed her, holding her closer. "And as much as I love Luca, I can't live without you, I just can't. I told Kristen to take me off the meds, I couldn't take sleeping all the time, but as soon as I was off them, the insomnia came back. I tossed and turned at night, I had nightmares that Luca fell out a window."

Clary gasped, she pulled him closer, but he didn't act as though she was responding to his touch, his face was still looking down between them. Like he was ashamed of his tears.  
>"I can't take this anymore, I don't want to hurt anymore. I came to the house…" he stuttered, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. "I came to the house because I only ever slept through a night when I was lying next to you."<p>

And his eyes finally reached hers. They were dull, empty of life. Clary cupped his face in her hands, trying to take in all over him. He was so broken and alone, and she couldn't help but feel responsible in some way or another.

* * *

><p><em><strong>1.) for the record, the part about Jace's accent: I know there are a lot of sensitive people when it comes to the City Of Bones movie. I am completely fine with a british accent for Jace. It's just I pictured him, Alec and Iz to be American, and I only pictured Valentine, Aline and whoever else that was still residing in Idris to still have an accent. I pictured Jace to have a bad boy accent. Kind of like <span>Paul Walker<span>. Go watch some YouTube clips of him from the movie Running Scared, his voice in that movie is how I pictured Jace's voice. And note: this is SERIOUSLY a personal representation of my imagination. A british accent on Jace is perfectly fine as well.**_

_**2.) Since I have been absent on here for over a year, and of course a movie about this has come out since... I have to give my 2 cents and be honest. I really didn't **_**_enjoy the movie. It was very loyal, loyalty to the book was not my main problem. Yes there were things that were changed that I didn't agree with, but overall the loyalty wasn't bad until the ending. I hated Valentine, he was a psycho and he was so contained in the book. People think a sweaty guy, screaming at the top of his lungs, looking like he's trying to take a big shit is scary. Well... remember that I think serial killers are the most amazing creatures on this planet, and to me they are scarier, because they are usually calm and collected. Like a Lion hunting for its pray. I pictured Valentine's personality more like that of a serial killer. Robert stole the show, he was an amazing Simon. Jamie didn't do bad, but he didn't "nail it" in my opinion. And neither did Lilly, I felt they both tried way too hard. Pacing, editing, screenplay, all of that was awful not the loyalty. Too much content was squeezed into small amount of time. I am in film school, and I am not saying that my opinion is fact or anything, but we're trained to properly critique films, including our own. And there were a lot of other things that made the movie fall flat. There I said my peace. I could say more but it would be too long. _**

**_2.) Jamie did a good job, and he is a cool guy and all, but truthfully, I still could not VISUALLY see him as Jace. I closed my eyes a couple of times to see if that helped and some of the times it did. But I just don't find the guy attractive. I just don't. He did a pretty decent job portraying Jace and everything, but as far as my sexual attraction there is absolutely no spark. Sorry :(_**

**So review, let me know what you think of Jace and Clary's argument.**

**They are not better yet, remember this takes time in a relationship...**


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